A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer
 approached and asked if he could join him. The first said that he usually
 played alone, but agreed to the twosome.

They were even after the first few holes. The second guy said, “We’re
 about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?”
 The first guy said that he wasn’t much for betting, but agreed to the terms. The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.

As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting
 his $80.00. He confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course and
 liked to pick on suckers.

The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest. The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money. The Priest said, “You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with
 you. You keep your winnings.”
The pro said, “Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?”
 The Priest said, “Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a
 donation, and if you want to bring your mother and father along, 
I’ll marry them.”

A single man had just finished a nice meal at a first class restaurant. The waitress brought him his check. The diner left the amount of the check plus a 3 penny tip. The waitress looked at the miserly tip and commented “I can tell you three things about you from the tip.” The man asked what that might be?” The waitress responded; “One, your are a bachelor.” “Right” replied the man. “Second the waitress said you are quite well to do”. “Right again” the man replied. “And third your father was a bachelor also”.