Golf balls are like eggs – they’re white, they’re sold by the dozen, and a week later you have to buy more.

The pro-shop gets its name from the fact that you must have the income of a professional golfer to buy anything in there.

It’s amazing how a golfer who never helps with house or yard work will replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.

Did you ever notice that it’s a lot easier to get up at 6:00 a.m. to play golf than at 10:00 to mow the yard or go to church?

It takes longer to become good at golf than it does brain surgery. On the other hand, you seldom get to ride around in a cart, drink beer and eat hot dogs while performing brain surgery.

A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game.

A good golf partner is one who’s slightly worse than you.

The rake is always in the other trap.

If there’s a storm rolling in, you’ll be having the game of your life.

If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight.

Golf appeals to the child in all of us. This is proven by our frequent inability to count past the number 5.

It’s easy to keep your ball in the fairway, if you don’t care which fairway.

If profanity had any influence on the flight of a ball, most everyone would play better.

The greatest sound in golf is the, “Whoosh, Whoosh, Whoosh” of your opponent’s club as he hurls it across the fairway.

A recent survey shows that of all jobs, caddies live the longest. They get plenty of fresh air and exercise, and if there’s ever a medical emergency, a doctor is always nearby.

The best wood for lowering your score is a pencil.

You may need lessons if you had to regrip your ball retriever.

It’s difficult to decide which is more stressful – hitting 3 off the tee or lining up your 4th putt.

With practice and strength training you can easily get more distance off the shank.

The only sure way to get a par is to leave a 4 foot birdie putt 2 inches from the hole.

Nothing straightens out a nasty slice like a sharp dogleg to the right.

Never wash your ball on the tee of a water hole.

No matter how badly you are playing, it’s always possible to get worse.