Morris’ wife Rachel came home early and found Morris in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. Rachel was upset. ‘You are a disrespectful pig!’ she cried. ‘How dare you do this to me — a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving you. I want a get (Jewish divorce) right away!’
Morris replied, ‘Hang on just a minute Rachel so at least I can tell you what happened.’ ‘Fine, go ahead,’ she sobbed,’ but they’ll be the last words you’ll say to me!’
And Morris began — ‘Vell, I vas gettink into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she vas very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn’t eaten for three days.
So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the potato latkes I made for you last night, the food you vouldn’t eat because you’re afraid you’ll put on veight.
The poor thing devoured them in moments. Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she vas doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away
Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer outfit that I gave you a few years ago, but von’t vear, because you say it’s too tight. I also gave her the sexy underwear that vas your anniversary present, which you don’t vear because you said I have lousy taste.
I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Chanukah that you don’t vear, just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don’t vear because someone at work has the same pair.’ Morris took a quick breath and continued – ‘She vas so grateful for my understanding and help that as I valked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, ‘Please, mister, do you have anything else that your wife doesn’t use?’