An old man walks into a bar, sits down, and starts crying.
The bartender asks, “What’s wrong?”
The old man looks at the bartender through teary eyes and between sobs says, “I married a beautiful woman two days ago. She’s a natural blonde, twenty-five, intelligent, a marvelous cook, a meticulous housekeeper, extremely sensitive to my wants and needs, very giving, my best friend, and intensely passionate in bed.”
The bartender stares at the old man for a brief moment and says, “But that sounds great! You have what every man wants in a woman, so why are crying?”
The old man looks at the bartender and says, “I can’t remember where I live!”
After an examination, the doctor said to his elderly patient, “You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?”
“In fact, I do.” said the old man. “After my wife and I have sex, I’m usually cold and chilly… and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I’m usually hot and sweaty.”
When the doctor examined his elderly wife later he said, “Everything appears to be fine. Are there any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?”
The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.
The doctor then said to her, “Well, your husband mentioned an unusual problem. He claimed that he was usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time… and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you have any idea why?”
“Oh, that crazy old bastard!” she replied. “That’s because the first time is usually in January, and the second time is in July!”