A  police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, “I clocked you at 80  miles per hour , sir .” The driver says,  “Gee, officer, I had it on  cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.”

Not looking up from her knitting his wife says:  “Now don’t be silly, dear — you know that this car doesn’t have  cruise control”

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls,

“Can’t you please keep your mouth shut for once !! ?”

His wife smiles demurely and says,  “Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher.”

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the  illegal  radar detector unit , the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth,

“Woman, can’t you keep your mouth shut?”

The officer frowns and says,  “And I notice that you’re not wearing your seat belt, sir. That’s an automatic $75 fine. “

The driver says,  “Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket. ”

His wife says,  “Now, dear, you know very well that you didn’t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you’re driving.”

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks,    “WILL  YOU PLEASE SHUT UP?? “

The officer looks over at the woman and asks,  “Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma’am? ”

(You will love this part)

“Only when he’s been drinking!”