It is the Christmas season and the judge is in a benevolent mood.

He asks the accused man: “Well, Mr Jones, what crime were you accused of committing this time of the year?”

“Doing my Christmas shopping early, your honour,” replies Mr Jones humbly.

“That’s no crime,” comments the judge. “What time did you do your early Christmas shopping?”

“Just before the store opened.”

Sylvia and Hymie were married for 60 years unfortunately it wasn’t a great marriage.

A day after Hymie dies Sylvia gets a call from the family Lawyer explaining the all that Hymie left in his will was one million dollars and the entire amount had to be spent on his funeral. 

On top of that within 3 months Sylvia has to account to the lawyer on every cent that was spent .

Sure enough 3 months to the day after the funeral the lawyer calls

Lawyer: ” Sylvia I need you to account on the million dollars spent on Hymie’s funeral “?

Sylvia “well I spent $5,000 on the casket, $3,000 on the funeral service, $ 8,000 on the burial plot, $ 4,000 on the hearse and $980,000 on the Memorial stone

Lawyer ” What ! $ 980,000 on the memorial stone ? How big was the damn memorial stone ? “

Sylvia :  “about 18 carats “