- He gave his father “the talk”
- His passport requires no photograph
- When he drives a car off the lot, its price increases in value
- Once a rattlesnake bit him, after 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake finally died
- His Cinco de Mayo party starts on the 8th of March
- His feet don’t get blisters, but his shoes do
- He once went to the psychic, to warn her
- If he were to punch you in the face you would have to fight off a strong urge to thank him
- Whatever side of the tracks he’s currently on is the right side, even if he crosses the tracks he’ll still be on the right side
- He can speak Russian… in French
- He never says something tastes like chicken.. not even chicken
- Superman has pajamas with his logo
- His tears can cure cancer, too bad he never cries
- The circus ran away to join him
- Bear hugs are what he gives bears
- He once brought a knife to a gunfight… just to even the odds
- When he meets the Pope, the Pope kisses his ring
- His friends call him by his name, his enemies don’t call him anything because they are all dead
- He has never waited 15 minutes after finishing a meal before returning to the pool
- If he were to visit the dark side of the moon, it wouldn’t be dark
- He once won a staring contest with his own reflection
- He can kill two stones with one bird
- His signature won a Pulitzer
- When a tree falls in a forest and no one is there, he hears it
- He once got pulled over for speeding, and the cop got the ticket
- The dark is afraid of him
- Sharks have a week dedicated to him
- His ten gallon hat holds twenty gallons
- No less than 25 Mexican folk songs have been written about his beard
- He once made a weeping willow laugh
- He lives vicariously through himself
- His business card simply says ‘I’ll Call You”
- He once taught a German shepherd how to bark in Spanish
- He bowls overhand
- In museums, he is allowed to touch the art
- He is allowed to talk about the fight club
- He once won a fist fight, only using his beard
- He once won the Tour-de-France, but was disqualified for riding a unicycle
Loren Berg's Blog 