Yep, it’s that time of year again to take our annual senior citizen test.

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it’s important
to keep mentally alert. If you don’t use it, you lose it!

Here is a very private way to gauge how your memory compares to your last test. 
Some may think it is too easy, but the ones with memory problems may have difficulty.

Take this test to determine if you’re losing it or not. 

The space below are so you don’t see the answers until you’ve made your answer. 
OK, relax, clear your mind, and begin.

#1. What do you put in a toaster?

Answer: ‘bread.’ If you said ‘toast,’ just give up now, and go do something else.
And, try not to hurt yourself! If you said, bread, go to Question #2.

# 2. Say ‘silk’ five times. Now spell ‘silk.’ What do cows drink?

Answer: Cows drink water. If you said ‘milk,’ don’t attempt the next question. Your brain is already over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading more appropriate literature such as Women’s Weekly or Auto World. However, if you did say ‘water,’ proceed to Question #3.

# 3. If a red house is made from red bricks, and a blue house is made from blue bricks, and a pink house is made from pink bricks, and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?

Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said ‘green bricks,’ why are you still reading this??? PLEASE, go lie down!!! But, if you said ‘glass,’ go on to Question #4.

# 4. Do not use a calculator for this: 

You are driving a bus from New York City to Philadelphia.
In Staten Island, 17 people got on the bus.
In New Brunswick, 6 people get off the bus, and 9 people get on.
In Windsor, 2 people get off, and 4 get on.
In Trenton, 11 people get off and 16 people get on.
In Bristol, 3 people get off, and 5 people get on.
And, in Camden, 6 people get off, and 3 get on. 
You then arrive at Philadelphia Station. Without going back to review, how old is the bus driver?

Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!!! Don’t you remember your own age?!? It was YOU, driving the bus!!!

If you pass this along to your friends, pray that they do better than you.

P.S.: 95% of people fail most of the questions!!!

A couple of old guys were golfing when one mentioned
 that he was going to go to Dr. Smith for a new set of dentures in the morning.

His elderly buddy remarked that he, too, had gone to
 the very same dentist two years before. Is that so asked the first old guy? Did he do a good job?

The second oldster replied, Well, I was on the golf course
 yesterday when a guy on the next fairway hooked a shot. The ball must have 
been going at least 200 mph when it smacked me right in the testicles.

The first old guy was confused and asked, What the hell 
does that have to do with your dentures?

It was the first time my teeth didn’t hurt…..

For my friends who ask how oil was trading at negative $37/bbl last week.

An Economics Lesson in Oil Futures
Analysis by Thompson Energy – Understanding how crude oil was trading at minus -$37

Imagine the following scenario: You pay $500 today and commit to receiving a hooker at your house in 15 days because your wife will be traveling. This is called a Futures Contract. Unfortunately, lockdown came and you are locked down with your wife at home for the next 60 days. This is called “now you are screwed” and you cannot fulfill the escort company’s Futures Contract.

So now you do not want this woman to show up at your house at all, and try to find anyone of your friends to pass off this futures contract, any neighbors or anybody else. But you find no takers because now everybody is under lockdown with their wives and families. You find you cannot sell this hooker commitment because nobody can take delivery of the girl, and there is nowhere to stash her. Nobody can receive the hooker at home anymore. Everyone is in full storage. To make matters worse, not even the pimp (Chicago Mercantile exchange) who sold you the hooker contract has more room to receive girls because his house is full of girls out of work under lockdown.

So now you will have to pay anyone just to take the girl off your hands. Someone tells you I will take the girl off your hands BUT you must pay me $37 to do it. This is called negative price when you deliver the girl that cost you $500 to the willing buyer and pay him (me, in this case) $37 to take delivery. Got it? This, in a nutshell, is what happened to the Oil Futures Market last week. No need to thank me.

The MAIN problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people always end up behind you.

During the life boat drill, a man has used his wife’s life jacket for his golf clubs.

‘How sweet, he’s smiling. He must be dreaming about me.’

{1} Once all villagers decided to pray for rain.  On the day of prayer, the people gathered, but only one boy came with an umbrella.
That’s FAITH.

{2} When you throw babies in the air, they laugh because they know you will catch them.
That’s TRUST.

{3} Every night we go to bed without any assurance of being alive the next morning, but still, we set the alarms to wake up.
That’s HOPE.

{4} We plan big things for tomorrow in spite of zero knowledge of the future.
That’s CONFIDENCE

{5} We see the world suffering, but still, we get married and have children
That’s LOVE.

{6} On an old man’s shirt was written a sentence ‘I am not 80 years old; I am sweet 16 with 64 years of experience.’
That’s ATTITUDE.

Have a happy day and live your life like the six stories. When I was a child, I thought nap time was punishment. Now it’s like a mini-vacation.

I’m as bored as an Amish electrician.

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Ontario has banned groups larger than 5. If you’re a family of 6, you’re all about to find out who’s the least favorite!

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The longer this goes on, the harder it will be to return to a society where pants and bras are required! Happy hour is starting earlier and earlier. If this keeps up, I’ll be pouring wine in my cereal!

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Today’s Weather?  Room temperature

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30 Days Hath September, April, June, and November All the rest have 31 … except March which had 8000

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Smoking pot and skipping school had me in trouble constantly. Now weeds legal and schools closed … damn kids are livin’ the dream!

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This is stupid.  I just tried to make my own hand sanitizer and it came out as a rum & coke!

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If you get an email with the subject “Knock Knock”, don’t open it. It’s a Jehovah Witness working from home

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After a few days of not going out, I saw someone I knew walking by on the sidewalk outside. I immediately ran to the window and started yelling at them. Now I understand dogs.

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Day 8 of social isolation and it’s looking like Vegas in my house: We’re losing money by the minute. Cocktails are acceptable at any hour. Nobody knows what time it is.