Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.”
“Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.”
“Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.”
“A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.”
“Words that soak into your ears are whispered…….not yelled.”
“Meanness don’t just happen overnight.”
“Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.”
“Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.”
“It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.”
“You cannot unsay a cruel word.”
“Every path has a few puddles”
“When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.”
“The best sermons are lived, not preached.”
“ Most of the stuff people worry about, ain’t never gonna happen anyway.”
“Don’t judge folks by their relatives.
“Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.”
“Live a good and honorable life, then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time.”
“Don ‘t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t bothering you none.”
“Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.”
“If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.”
“Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
“The biggest troublemaker you’ll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin’.”
“Always drink upstream from the herd.”
“Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.”
“Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in.”
“If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.”
“Don’t pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he’ll just kill you.”
And…………………………………..
Two elderly residents, a man and a woman, were alone in the lounge of their nursing home one evening. The old man looked over and said to the old lady, “I know just what you’re wanting. For $5 I’ll have sex with you right over there in that rocking chair.”
My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned. Couldn’t concentrate.
The passenger steamer SS Warrimoo was quietly knifing its way through the waters of the mid-Pacific on its way from Vancouver to Australia. The navigator had just finished working out a star fix and brought Captain John D.S. Phillips, the result. The Warrimoo’s position was LAT 0º 31′ N and LONG 179 30′ W. The date was 31 December 1899. “Know what this means?” First Mate Payton broke in, “We’re only a few miles from the intersection of the Equator and the International Date Line”. Captain Phillips was prankish enough to take full advantage of the opportunity for achieving the navigational freak of a lifetime. He called his navigators to the bridge to check & double check the ship’s position. He changed course slightly so as to bear directly on his mark. Then he adjusted the engine speed. The calm weather & clear night worked in his favor. At mid-night the SS Warrimoo lay on the Equator at exactly the point where it crossed the International Date Line! The consequences of this bizarre position were many:
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