Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself. Mark Twain

As I observe the current political climate I am struck at the accuracy of Mark Twain’s statement. I suppose one could change “member of Congress’ to “Presidential Candidate” and the statement would still be accurate. Consider the over inflated ego performances we are seeing from all corners of the spectrum and I suspect one could ask “Don’t we deserve better”?  The answer to that question is probably the same as the outcome on a golf swing – we don’t get what we deserve we get what we get. Or put another way we get what we pay for. Or is it what someone else pays for?

Experience hath shewn, that even under the best forms of government those entrusted with power have, in time, and by slow operations, perverted it into tyranny. Thomas Jefferson

Every time I look at comments like the above from Jefferson I am amazed that they were written some 200 years ago. As our government chips away at personal freedoms and assumes that they know better what is good for us than we do ourselves one sees that from what Jefferson said it is inevitable. But is it? I would hope not but as I listen to the current crop of Presidential Candidates I see little hope. Rather than talking about returning the decision process to us, they tell us what they are going to do to help us. The word “help” in the previous sentence might well be the greatest misnomer in history.

Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth. John F. Kennedy

Nothing breeds conformity like political correctness. Think about it, if in the name of political correctness, we avoid the open discussion of issues we are like lemming being lead to the sea. You know how that comes out! And it is not the issues on which we agree that discussions are important but it is the issues where we have differences that count and the ones where the tyranny of PC often times shuts things down. There is nothing wrong with agreeing to disagree. That said we do not have to ascribe bad faith, or worse, to one another. When at our institutions of higher learning we see a pervasive attitude that seals out anything that does not comply with a particular ideology it leads to the question; Is the tyranny of the minority any better than the tyranny of the majority?

Government’s first duty is to protect the people, not run their lives. Ronald Reagan

One has to wonder how our government so often strays from Reagan’s simple statement? Nothing here means that we do not help those with true needs but what is does mean is that for most of us our government should let us make the decisions. This simple truth goes back to our founding fathers in the 10^th amendment “The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.” Can’t get much plainer!

Perspectives from four different people from very different times but to your writers mind a common thread. Our is a government of and for the people, not the other way around.

Loren Berg

Judy married Ted; they had thirteen healthy children. 

Sadly, Ted died. 

She married again, and she & Bob had seven more lovely children.

Bob was tragically killed in a terrible car accident twelve years later.

Judy remarried a third time, and this time, she & John had five more fine children.

Judy finally died after having twenty-five wonderful children. 

Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, “Lord, they are finally together.”

Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend, Margaret: “Do you think he means her first, second, or third husband?”

Margaret replied: “I think he means her legs, Ethel!”

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, ‘Well, I’m off now. The man should be here soon.’

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. ‘Good morning, Ma’am’, he said, ‘I’ve come to…’

‘Oh, no need to explain,’ Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, ‘I’ve been expecting you.’

‘Have you really?’ said the photographer. ‘Well, that’s good. Did you know babies are my specialty?’

‘Well, that’s what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat!.

After a moment she asked, blushing, ‘Well, where do we start?’

‘Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.’

‘Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn’t work out for Harry and me!’

‘Well, Ma’am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I’m sure you’ll be pleased with the results.’

‘My, that’s a lot!’, gasped Mrs. Smith..

‘Ma’am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I’d love to be In and out in five minutes, but I’m sure you’d be disappointed with that.’

‘Don’t I know it,’ said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. ‘This was done on the top of a bus,’ he said.

‘Oh, my God!’ Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

‘And these twins turned out exceptionally well – when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.’

‘She was difficult?’ asked Mrs. Smith.

‘Yes, I’m afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look’

‘Four and five deep?’ said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

‘Yes’, the photographer replied. ‘And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling – I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.’

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. ‘Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh…equipment?’

‘It’s true, Ma’am, yes. Well, if you’re ready, I’ll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.’

‘Tripod?’

‘Oh yes, Ma’am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It’s much too big to be held in the hand for long.’

Mrs.  Smith  fainted!

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning and when I confront him, he denies everything. What’s worse, everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating!

Also, since he lost his job 14 years ago, he hasn’t even looked for a new one.

All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and shoot pool with his buddies and has sex with hookers while I work so hard to pay our bills.

Since our daughter went away to college and then got married; he doesn’t even pretend to like me, and hints that I may be a lesbian.

What should I do?

Signed: Clueless 

Dear Clueless, 

Grow up and dump him. You don’t need him anymore! Good grief woman, you’re running for President of the United States!

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The Republican Presidential primary campaign is prompting an exodus among left leaning citizens who fear they’ll soon be required to hunt, pray, and live according to conservative ideas about the Constitution.

Canadian border farmers say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, global warming activists, and “green” energy proponents crossing their fields at night.

“I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said Southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota . “The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn’t have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields, but they just keep coming.

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into electric cars and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves after the battery dies.

“A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” an Ontario border patrolman said. “I found one carload without a single bottle of Perrier drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though, and some kale chips.”

When liberals are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and study the Constitution.

In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half- dozen young vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the ’50’s. “If they can’t identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age,” an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage, buying up all the Barbara Streisand c.d.’s, and renting all the Michael Moore movies. “I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t support them,” an Ottawa resident said. “How many art-history majors does one country need?”

A father told his three sons when he sent them to the university: “I feel it’s my duty to provide you with the best possible education, and you do not owe me anything for that.  However, I want you to appreciate it.  As a      token, please each put $1,000 into my casket when I die.”

And so it happened.  His sons became a doctor, a lawyer and a financial planner, each very successful financially.    When their father’s time had come and they saw their father in the casket, they remembered his wish.

First, it was the doctor who put ten $100 bills onto the chest of the deceased.

Then, came the financial planner, who also put $1,000 there.

Finally, it was the heartbroken lawyer’s turn.  He dipped into his pocket, took out his checkbook, wrote a check for $3,000, put it into his father’s casket, and took the $2,000 cash.

He later went on to become a member of Congress.

Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him
straight in the eye and says,

“Listen here, good looking. I will screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, their place, my
place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on… It doesn’t matter to me. I just love it.”

His eyes now wide with interest, he responds, “No kidding… I’m in Government too.
Are you federal or state?”

A judge was interviewing a South Carolina woman regarding her pending divorce and asks, “What are the grounds for your divorce?”

“About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.”

“No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?”

“It is made of concrete, brick, and mortar,” she responded.

“I mean,” he continued, “what are your relations like?”

“I have an aunt and uncle and 12 cousins living here in town, as well as my husband’s parents.”

The judge took a deep breath and asked, “Do you have a real grudge?”

“No, we have a two-car carport and have never really needed one cuz we don’t have a car.”

“Please,” he tried again, “is there any infidelity in your marriage?”

“Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music – all that hip hop and rap tap – but we can’t seem to do anything about it.”

“Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?”

“Yes, he gets up every morning before I do and makes the coffee.”

The judge asked, “Is your husband a nagger?”

“Oh, hell no, he’s as white as you and me!”

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, “Lady, why in hell do you want a divorce?

“Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she replied. “I’ve never wanted a divorce, my husband does. The damn fool says he can’t communicate with me.”

After hearing the story of Jonah at Sunday School, a little girl repeated the story at school on Monday.  Her teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because, even though it is a very large mammal, its throat is very small.

The little girl said, “But how can that be? Jonah was swallowed by a whale.”Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human. “It is physically impossible!” she said.
Undaunted, the little girl said, “Well, when I get to heaven I will ask Jonah.”

To this, the teacher said, “What if Jonah went to hell?”

The little girl replied, “Then YOU ask him!”
When you’re having a good day and then you realise tomorrow is Monday.