It’s a beautiful day in heaven. Sunny and a comfortable 75 degrees. Jesus and Moses decide to play a round of golf. When they get to the first hole there is an old man sitting there.  The old man asks them if he can join them.

Jesus and Moses confer and decide that he can.

Jesus tees off first and the ball goes straight to the right into a pond.  He walks over to and out on the water.  His ball rises and sits on the surface and Jesus is able to hit it out into the fairway.

Moses is next and cues the ball into the same pond.  Moses walks over and stands on the bank. He raises his arms and the water parts. He walks out on the dry bed of the pond to his ball and he chips out to the fairway.

The old man also badly slices his ball into the pond.  He walks over stands looking at the pond shaking his head.  Suddenly a fish brings the ball to the surface.  An eagle swoops down and grabs the ball from the fish’s mouth and flies up the fairway.  He drops the ball onto the green inches from the hole.  A turtle was crossing the green and bumps into the ball knocking it into the cup for a hole in one!

Moses turns to Jesus and says, “Ya know, I hate it when we play with your dad.”

 

THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY “THOMAS COOK VACATIONS” FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS

1. “On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don’t like spicy food.”
2. “They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax.”
3. “We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish.”
4. “We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We ass/u/me/d it would be included in the price.”
5. “The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room.”
6. “We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow.”
7. “It’s lazy of the local shopkeepers to siesta in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during ‘siesta’ time — this should be banned.”
8. “No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared.”
9. “Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers.”
10. “I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.”
11. “The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun”
12. “It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair.”
13. “I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends’ three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller.”
14. “The brochure stated: ‘No hairdressers at the resort.’ We’re trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service.”
15. “When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners.”
16. “We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning.”
17. “It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel.”
18. “I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes.”
19. “My fiancée and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you all responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.”

BEWARE …THEY WALK AMONG US and…THEY VOTE!

 

Ms. Sally Mulligan of Coral Springs , Florida, read it, and decided to apply for one of the jobs that most Americans are not willing to do.
 
She submitted her application for a job in a Florida lemon grove,
but seemed far too qualified for the job.
 
She has a liberal arts degree from the University of Michigan, and a master’s degree from Michigan State University. For a number of years, she had worked as a social worker, and also as a school teacher.
 
The foreman studied her application, frowned and said, “I see that you are well educated, and have an impressive resume. However, I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?”
 
“Well, as a matter of fact, I have,” she said…”I’ve been divorced three times, owned two Chryslers, and voted for Biden.”
 
She started work yesterday