A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University at Marquette in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn’t really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear.One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it to their religion.

Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.

Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first.’I went into the woods to find me a bear. When I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.’

Reverend Billy Bob the Baptist, spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip.In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed, ‘WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we Baptists don’t sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God’s HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me.So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus. Hallelujah!

The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast & traction with IVs & monitors running in & out of him. He was in really bad shape. The Rabbi looked up and said: “Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start.”

I had an interesting, well maybe more than a little puzzling, change after updating my MacBook Air to 10.8.5. After the update all of my preferences in Finder were gone -things like Documents, Downloads, Dropbox and a few more. Couldn’t figure it out so made a call to Apple support and found out that sometimes during the upgrade process the Preferences disappear. The solution was quite simple.

With Finder up, click on Finder in the upper left, select Preferences and put check marks in the items you want to show. Problem solved – well almost except for Dropbox. To get Dropbox back (by the way if you don’t have Dropbox you probably should) click on your name in Preferences, provided you put a checkmark by your name in the earlier step, and you will see Dropbox in the display. Then just drag and drop Dropbox into the Preferences list.

Not very complicated but hopefully this short post will save you from some frustration.

Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance? – Phyllis Diller

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. – Phyllis Diller

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. – Phyllis Diller

The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public. – Phyllis Diller

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out. – Phyllis Diller

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once. – Phyllis Diller

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them. – Phyllis Diller

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. – Phyllis Diller

Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off. – Phyllis Diller

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed. – Phyllis Diller

We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. – Phyllis Diller

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room. – Phyllis Diller

You know you’re old if your walker has an airbag. – Phyllis Diller

I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing. – Phyllis Diller

What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. – Phyllis Diller

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally put gin in the steam iron. – Phyllis Diller

I’ve been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap? – Phyllis Diller

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half. – Phyllis Diller

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves. – Phyllis Diller

My photographs don’t do me justice – they just look like me. – Phyllis Diller

There’s so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto. – Phyllis Diller

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away. – Phyllis Diller

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. – Phyllis Diller

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee. – Phyllis Diller

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children. – Phyllis Diller

I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass. – Phyllis Diller

The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing. – Phyllis Diller

You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type. – Phyllis Diller

This question has been posed before but this time I found a lucid discussion on the topic by two individuals that have for over a year used their iPad’s for virtually everything including writing a book, #iPad Only, on the subject. The authors; Augusto Pinaud and Michael Silwinski never met face-to-face even while writing the book. By the way, Augusto lives in Fort Wayne Indiana and Michael lives Europe. Both are successful entrepreneurs; Augusto’s passion is writing and helping people get organized. Michael is the founder of Nozbe.com, a time and project management application with native apps for the Mac, Windows, iPhone, iPad and Android. In that capacity he manages 15 employees scattered around the world.

I will not try here to make their arguments but will provide a glimpse into the thought pattern. They say “The iPad was never designed to substitute the computer in a literal sense. It was designed to help us realize we didn’t need a full-blown computer for most of our computing tasks”. In other words – look at what we want to do not how we have always done it. For instance have you ever sent an email referencing an attachment and forgot to include the attachment? Ya, me too. That happens because in most environments you construct the email and then do the attachment. On the iPad, and on the iPhone for that matter (remember both use iOS), you go to the item you want to send, tap on it and tap share. Then you direct to whom and how you want it sent. No way to forget.

Obviously the iPad has many benefits; size,weight and battery life that can make what we do, particularly if one travels, easier and most certainly lighter. As I read the book some of the ideas I knew and others I had been doing without thinking about it. Having said that the approach they take on workflow changes provided a new look at productivity and how best to obtain it. If you use an iPad I think you will find the book, and the time you put in reading it, a good investment – I did. By the way, I wrote this post, and many others for that matter, on my iPad with a Belkin keyboard case.

This proof actually happened yesterday, Friday September 13, 2013, at the St. Cloud Country Club in St. Cloud Minnesota. Three of us had ventured to St. Cloud as our course, Alexandria Golf Club, was busy hosting the Minnesota Golf Association Mid Am.

The Fifteenth hole is a short-ish par 5 with a hazard, a deep cut with a 90-degree bank, all along the left side and a creek in front of the green. My tee shot was a smother hook left into the hazard. Didn’t even attempt to find the ball – not even a ProV1 is worth a broken leg. Take my drop and promptly chunk a 9 iron about 30 yards. I was trying to get it up quickly over a tree. Now laying 3! Finally hit a decent shot – a 6 iron to the middle of the fairway 94 yards to the pin. Once the green clears hit a Gap Wedge exactly 94 yards into the hole for a Ho-Hum par.

I guess this is why we play them out. You never know when lightning might strike. Here I was hoping against hope that I could scratch a bogey and being rewarded with a par. The Golf Gods do have a sense of humor. One could also wonder if Friday the 13th played any part. By the way, my birthday is the 13th – not September – but?

Just in case you have always wondered about what makes a Texan tick. . . . .

When God created the world for humankind to prosper and multiply, he decided 
to give each group two virtues. As an example, he made Japanese people
patient and hardworking, he made Germans tenacious and studious, HE made 
Americans organized and pragmatic, And so on.

When GOD considered Texans, He told the record-keeping angel, “Texans are 
going to be intelligent, honest and democrats.

When GOD finished creating the world, the angel noticed that GOD had given 
every group two virtues excepting Texans, who had received three.
The angel thought that this would give the Texans an unfair advantage over 
the other groups of human beings. He pointed this out to GOD. 

GOD said, “Oh, my goodness, you are certainly right, but since virtues given 
by GOD cannot be changed, we shall do the following: From now on Texans will
 keep three virtues, however, they can only use two at a Time.”

This dictum explains why:

* A Texan, who is a democrat and honest, cannot be intelligent.

* One, who is intelligent and democrat, cannot be honest.

* AND ONE, WHO IS INTELLIGENT AND HONEST, CAN NEVER BE A DEMOCRAT!

* This is why most Texans are REPUBLICANS!!!

Those of you that have followed my blog are probably aware that Lee Child is one of my favorite authors. That in no small part is due to Child’s central character, Jack Reacher. Reacher is a retired U S Army Major whose service was as a Military Policeman.  Reacher travels the country with only a folding tooth brush. No luggage no nothing. When he needs clean clothes, he buys new ones and throws the old ones away. Reacher has no car and either rides buses, hitchhikes. walks or occasionally flies his way around the country. While the basic premise may seem a little far fetched there are probably some who live that way. What differentiates those others from Reacher is that he typically happens upon a troubling situation that he feels compelled to fix.

As an aside, there was recently a movie around Child’s central character, Jack Reacher. The casting choice for Reacher was either bizarre or borderline unbelievable. Bear in mind, Reacher is described in the books as six foot six and two hundred fifty pounds and the actor chosen to portray Reacher was Tom Cruise – someone about a foot shorter and a hundred pounds lighter! As you might imagine, I have not see the movie and intend to keep that record intact.

In the latest book, Never Go Back, which by the way is certainly one of Child’s best if not his best effort to date, Reacher comes to Washington DC to look up a woman with an intriguing voice he has never met. His only encounter was in a previous book, 61 Hours, where he only talked with her on the telephone. He arrives and finds that she has been arrested on what appear to be trumped up charges and then finds himself ordered back in the Army and in jail on other questionable charges. It turns out that Reacher and the woman, she because of her job in the Army and he because he was there to see her, become wrapped up in conspiracy that involves those in very high places. What follows is a completely enjoyable read as the characters unwind a very convoluted plot which cumulates in a totally unforeseen ending. As always  the character development and story lines are compelling. Highly recommended!

FAMOUS INVENTIONS – The toilet seat was invented in Minnesota, but twenty years later a North Dakotan invented the hole in it.

OUTHOUSE PROBLEMS – When Ole accidentally lost 50 cents in the outhouse, he immediately threw in his watch and billfold. He explained, ‘I’m not going down in dere yust for 50 cents.’

THAT’S HER! – A Norwegian appeared with five other men in a rape case police line-up. As the victim entered the room, the Norwegian blurted, ‘Yep, dat’s her!’

VE COULDN’T AFFORD MORE – Two Norwegians from Minnesota went fishing in Canada and returned with only one fish. “The way I figger it, dat fish cost us $400″ said the first Norwegian. ” Vell ,” said the other one , ” At dat price it’s a good ting ve didn’t catch any more.”

THE RELATIONS – Ole and Lena were getting on in years. Ole was 92 and Lena was 89.  One evening they were sitting on the porch in their rockers and Ole reached over and patted Lena on her knee. ” Lena , vat ever happened tew our sex relations? ” h e asked. ” Vell, Ole, I yust don’t know, ” replied Lena .” I don’t tink ve even got a card from dem last Christmas.”

MUSIC SOLUTION – Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, Lars inquired how she was doing with it.” ‘Oh,” said Ole, ” I persvaded her to svitch to a clarinet. ” ” How come? ” asked Lars.” Vell,” Ole answered, ” because vith a clarinet, she can’t sing.”

THE PRANK CALL – The phone rings in the middle of the night when Ole and Lena are in bed and Ole answers . ” Vell how da hell should I know, dats two tousand miles from here ” he saysand hangs up. ” Who vas dat? ” asks Lena . ” I donno, some fool wanting to know if da coast vas clear.

HONEYMOON TRIP – On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena’s knee. Giggling, Lena said, ” ‘Ole, you can go farther than that if you vant to. ” So Ole drove to Duluth.

GO TO TOWN – Ole was arrested one night while walking bare naked down the streets of the little town of Alexandria , Minnesota .  The policeman, who was a good friend of Ole’s said, “Ole…What in the world are you doing? Where are your clothes?  You’re naked. ” “Yah, I know, ” said Ole . ” You see, I vas over to dat playboy Swen’s for his birthday party. Dere vas about ten of us.  Der vas boys and girls.”  ” Is that right? “, his policeman friend asked. ” Yah, Yah, anyvay, dat Swen, he says, ‘Everybody get into the bedroom!’  So vee all go into the bedroom….where den he yells, ‘Everybody git naked!’ ‘Vel, vee all got undressed.  Den he yells, ‘Everybody go to town!’ And, well, I guess I’m the first one here. “

Two Minnesota engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A woman walks by asks what they were doing.” Ve’re supposed to find da height of dis flagpole, ” said Sven, “but ve don’t haff a ladder.” The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, “Twenty one feet, six inches,” and walked away. Ole shook his head and laughed. “Ain’t dat just like a voman! Ve ask fer da height and she gives us da length!”

Sven and Ole have since quit their engineering jobs and are currently serving in the United States Senate.

Four old men went into the pro shop after playing 18 holes of golf.  The pro asked, “Did you guys have a good game today?”  The first old guy said, “Yes, I had three riders today.”  The second old guy said, “I had the most riders ever.  I had five.”  The third old guy said, “I had 7 riders, the same as last time.”  The last old man said, “I beat my old record.  I had 12 riders today.”

After they went into the locker room, another golfer who had heard the old guys talking about their game went to the pro and said,  “I’ve been playing golf for a long time and thought I knew all the terminology of the game, but what’s a rider?” The pro said, “A rider is when you hit the ball far enough to actually get in the golf cart and ride to it.”

MARINE CORPS EXERCISE REGIMEN FOR PEOPLE OVER 60
For those of us over 60 – this is a great exercise regimen – for you young’uns out there (under 60), just keep it in mind until you reach that magic 60 number!

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room on each side.  With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides.  Hold them there as long as you can.  Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.  Each day you’ll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.  Then try 50-lb potato bags, and then eventually, try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.  (I’m currently at this level.)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.