This proof actually happened yesterday, Friday September 13, 2013, at the St. Cloud Country Club in St. Cloud Minnesota. Three of us had ventured to St. Cloud as our course, Alexandria Golf Club, was busy hosting the Minnesota Golf Association Mid Am.

The Fifteenth hole is a short-ish par 5 with a hazard, a deep cut with a 90-degree bank, all along the left side and a creek in front of the green. My tee shot was a smother hook left into the hazard. Didn’t even attempt to find the ball – not even a ProV1 is worth a broken leg. Take my drop and promptly chunk a 9 iron about 30 yards. I was trying to get it up quickly over a tree. Now laying 3! Finally hit a decent shot – a 6 iron to the middle of the fairway 94 yards to the pin. Once the green clears hit a Gap Wedge exactly 94 yards into the hole for a Ho-Hum par.

I guess this is why we play them out. You never know when lightning might strike. Here I was hoping against hope that I could scratch a bogey and being rewarded with a par. The Golf Gods do have a sense of humor. One could also wonder if Friday the 13th played any part. By the way, my birthday is the 13th – not September – but?

Just in case you have always wondered about what makes a Texan tick. . . . .

When God created the world for humankind to prosper and multiply, he decided 
to give each group two virtues. As an example, he made Japanese people
patient and hardworking, he made Germans tenacious and studious, HE made 
Americans organized and pragmatic, And so on.

When GOD considered Texans, He told the record-keeping angel, “Texans are 
going to be intelligent, honest and democrats.

When GOD finished creating the world, the angel noticed that GOD had given 
every group two virtues excepting Texans, who had received three.
The angel thought that this would give the Texans an unfair advantage over 
the other groups of human beings. He pointed this out to GOD. 

GOD said, “Oh, my goodness, you are certainly right, but since virtues given 
by GOD cannot be changed, we shall do the following: From now on Texans will
 keep three virtues, however, they can only use two at a Time.”

This dictum explains why:

* A Texan, who is a democrat and honest, cannot be intelligent.

* One, who is intelligent and democrat, cannot be honest.

* AND ONE, WHO IS INTELLIGENT AND HONEST, CAN NEVER BE A DEMOCRAT!

* This is why most Texans are REPUBLICANS!!!

Those of you that have followed my blog are probably aware that Lee Child is one of my favorite authors. That in no small part is due to Child’s central character, Jack Reacher. Reacher is a retired U S Army Major whose service was as a Military Policeman.  Reacher travels the country with only a folding tooth brush. No luggage no nothing. When he needs clean clothes, he buys new ones and throws the old ones away. Reacher has no car and either rides buses, hitchhikes. walks or occasionally flies his way around the country. While the basic premise may seem a little far fetched there are probably some who live that way. What differentiates those others from Reacher is that he typically happens upon a troubling situation that he feels compelled to fix.

As an aside, there was recently a movie around Child’s central character, Jack Reacher. The casting choice for Reacher was either bizarre or borderline unbelievable. Bear in mind, Reacher is described in the books as six foot six and two hundred fifty pounds and the actor chosen to portray Reacher was Tom Cruise – someone about a foot shorter and a hundred pounds lighter! As you might imagine, I have not see the movie and intend to keep that record intact.

In the latest book, Never Go Back, which by the way is certainly one of Child’s best if not his best effort to date, Reacher comes to Washington DC to look up a woman with an intriguing voice he has never met. His only encounter was in a previous book, 61 Hours, where he only talked with her on the telephone. He arrives and finds that she has been arrested on what appear to be trumped up charges and then finds himself ordered back in the Army and in jail on other questionable charges. It turns out that Reacher and the woman, she because of her job in the Army and he because he was there to see her, become wrapped up in conspiracy that involves those in very high places. What follows is a completely enjoyable read as the characters unwind a very convoluted plot which cumulates in a totally unforeseen ending. As always  the character development and story lines are compelling. Highly recommended!

FAMOUS INVENTIONS – The toilet seat was invented in Minnesota, but twenty years later a North Dakotan invented the hole in it.

OUTHOUSE PROBLEMS – When Ole accidentally lost 50 cents in the outhouse, he immediately threw in his watch and billfold. He explained, ‘I’m not going down in dere yust for 50 cents.’

THAT’S HER! – A Norwegian appeared with five other men in a rape case police line-up. As the victim entered the room, the Norwegian blurted, ‘Yep, dat’s her!’

VE COULDN’T AFFORD MORE – Two Norwegians from Minnesota went fishing in Canada and returned with only one fish. “The way I figger it, dat fish cost us $400″ said the first Norwegian. ” Vell ,” said the other one , ” At dat price it’s a good ting ve didn’t catch any more.”

THE RELATIONS – Ole and Lena were getting on in years. Ole was 92 and Lena was 89.  One evening they were sitting on the porch in their rockers and Ole reached over and patted Lena on her knee. ” Lena , vat ever happened tew our sex relations? ” h e asked. ” Vell, Ole, I yust don’t know, ” replied Lena .” I don’t tink ve even got a card from dem last Christmas.”

MUSIC SOLUTION – Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, Lars inquired how she was doing with it.” ‘Oh,” said Ole, ” I persvaded her to svitch to a clarinet. ” ” How come? ” asked Lars.” Vell,” Ole answered, ” because vith a clarinet, she can’t sing.”

THE PRANK CALL – The phone rings in the middle of the night when Ole and Lena are in bed and Ole answers . ” Vell how da hell should I know, dats two tousand miles from here ” he saysand hangs up. ” Who vas dat? ” asks Lena . ” I donno, some fool wanting to know if da coast vas clear.

HONEYMOON TRIP – On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena’s knee. Giggling, Lena said, ” ‘Ole, you can go farther than that if you vant to. ” So Ole drove to Duluth.

GO TO TOWN – Ole was arrested one night while walking bare naked down the streets of the little town of Alexandria , Minnesota .  The policeman, who was a good friend of Ole’s said, “Ole…What in the world are you doing? Where are your clothes?  You’re naked. ” “Yah, I know, ” said Ole . ” You see, I vas over to dat playboy Swen’s for his birthday party. Dere vas about ten of us.  Der vas boys and girls.”  ” Is that right? “, his policeman friend asked. ” Yah, Yah, anyvay, dat Swen, he says, ‘Everybody get into the bedroom!’  So vee all go into the bedroom….where den he yells, ‘Everybody git naked!’ ‘Vel, vee all got undressed.  Den he yells, ‘Everybody go to town!’ And, well, I guess I’m the first one here. “

Two Minnesota engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A woman walks by asks what they were doing.” Ve’re supposed to find da height of dis flagpole, ” said Sven, “but ve don’t haff a ladder.” The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, “Twenty one feet, six inches,” and walked away. Ole shook his head and laughed. “Ain’t dat just like a voman! Ve ask fer da height and she gives us da length!”

Sven and Ole have since quit their engineering jobs and are currently serving in the United States Senate.

Four old men went into the pro shop after playing 18 holes of golf.  The pro asked, “Did you guys have a good game today?”  The first old guy said, “Yes, I had three riders today.”  The second old guy said, “I had the most riders ever.  I had five.”  The third old guy said, “I had 7 riders, the same as last time.”  The last old man said, “I beat my old record.  I had 12 riders today.”

After they went into the locker room, another golfer who had heard the old guys talking about their game went to the pro and said,  “I’ve been playing golf for a long time and thought I knew all the terminology of the game, but what’s a rider?” The pro said, “A rider is when you hit the ball far enough to actually get in the golf cart and ride to it.”

MARINE CORPS EXERCISE REGIMEN FOR PEOPLE OVER 60
For those of us over 60 – this is a great exercise regimen – for you young’uns out there (under 60), just keep it in mind until you reach that magic 60 number!

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room on each side.  With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides.  Hold them there as long as you can.  Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.  Each day you’ll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.  Then try 50-lb potato bags, and then eventually, try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.  (I’m currently at this level.)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.

The only cow in a small town in Ireland stopped giving milk.- —

Then the town folk found they could buy a cow in Scotland quite cheaply.

So, they brought the cow over from Scotland, it was absolutely wonderful, it produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy. Then they bought a bull to mate with the cow, to get more cows, so they’d never have to worry about their milk supply again.

They put the bull in the pasture with the cow, but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull made, the cow would move away from the bull and was never able to do the deed.

The people were very upset and decided to seek advice from the Vet. They told him that whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches from the front, she backs off. If he attempts it from the side, she walks away to the other side.

The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully. After pondering for a while, he asked, “Did you by chance, purchase this cow from Scotland?”

The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned that they had brought the cow from Scotland. “You are truly a very intelligent Vet”, they said, “How did you know the cow came from Scotland?”

The Vet replied with a very distant look in his eye, “My wife’s from Scotland”.

Witnessing the Republicans and the Democrats bicker over the U.S. debt is like watching two drunks argue over a bar bill on the Titanic.

When I was young my intent was to go to medical school, but I was confused by the entrance exam. The deciding question was, “Re-arrange the letters P N E S I to spell out an important part of the human body that is more useful when erect.” Those who spelled SPINE became doctors. The rest are in Congress.

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

“Have you ever done anything of particular merit?” St. Peter asked.

“Well, I can think of one thing,” the cowboy offered. “On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, “Now, back off or I’ll kick the crap out of all of you!”

St. Peter was impressed, “When did this happen?”

“Couple of minutes ago.”