A couple of old guys were golfing when one mentioned
 that he was going to go to Dr. Smith for a new set of dentures in the morning.

His elderly buddy remarked that he, too, had gone to
 the very same dentist two years before. Is that so asked the first old guy? Did he do a good job?

The second oldster replied, Well, I was on the golf course
 yesterday when a guy on the next fairway hooked a shot. The ball must have 
been going at least 200 mph when it smacked me right in the testicles.

The first old guy was confused and asked, What the hell 
does that have to do with your dentures?

It was the first time my teeth didn’t hurt…..

If you do not have off-site backups of your documents today would be a good day to start. Having a backup of your critical documents on an external drive that sits next to your computer will help if you have a disk crash or other catastrophe to your computer but will do nothing in the event of a natural disaster – think hurricane Sandy – a theft – I doubt that the thief would only take your computer and leave the external drive – and you can fill in the rest. As far as offsite backup goes there are many choices but I settled on Dropbox for a number of reasons. For starters Dropbox works with any device – Mac, PC, Tablet and Smartphone – be it iPhone or Android. Beyond that it is as simple to use as possible.  Establish your Dropbox account and start loading files. 2 GB of storage is free and 100 GB will cost you about $100.00 per year (actually $9.99 per month or $99.99 per year). Once done you can access any of your files from any internet connected device. PC Magazine reviewed Dropbox and here is their BOTTOM LINE “Dropbox is a superbly implemented, cloud-based, automatic, file-synchronization service that’s ideal for working with files you can store in a single folder.” You can read the full review at http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2343852,00.asp. Beyond that, anytime we are storing data online security is of prime importance. Dropbox uses Secure Sockets Layer (SSL) and AES-256 bit encryption and you can find a full description of their security protocol at https://www.Dropbox.com/help/27/en.

There are many online backup options available, Carbonite, Mozy and Sugarsync to name a few but for my money Dropbox wins.

It has been a little over three weeks since my new iMac arrived and except for transferring data to Dropbox I have not used the PC for anything and even that function was over three weeks ago. From the perspective of getting things done and efficiency there have been no issues but there has been one non-technical problem, I wear bifocal glasses and this was not a problem with notebook computers as the display is much lower. However, with the 21 1/2″ display on the iMac I was developing a crick in the neck from titling my head so that I could read the display through the bifocal. Well, that is not a long-term solution so off to LensCrafters for single vision glasses with my reading prescription. They should be here in seven to ten days and my neck will rejoice.

I have Windows installed on my MacBook Air for two items; Quicken and the Send Individually plug-in for Microsoft Outlook as their are either not Mac versions – Send Individually – or the Mac version is not acceptable – Quicken. With that said I continue to doubt that I will install Windows on the iMac even though there is no doubt that the iMac could handle the additional overhead. I have not encountered anything else to date where I will need other Windows versions of software. That being the case I can not justify the expense of acquiring additional Windows and Parallels licenses and installing them on the iMac.

As I noted in an earlier post I opted for Microsoft Office 365, the $99.00 per year for five licenses downloaded option, mainly to get Office 2013 for the Windows side of my MacBook Air and to get a license for the new iMac which is still the 2011 version. One other reason I opted for the 365 version is that if Microsoft releases a new Mac version those with Office 365 will be provided that version at no additional cost. I have encountered one issue with Outlook 2013 on the MacBook Air although it is not an issue with Office but with Evernote. The Evernote plugin does not function with Outlook 2013. For those of us that use Evernote as our filing cabinet and note repository this is not good! Evernote promises to have the issue resolved but as of today nothing is available. Another Evernote issue that has noting to do with the above is that Evernote notified all users that their password might have been hacked and essentially forced all to change passwords.

As you can surmise from the above the transition has been seamless and I have no intention of going back to the PC world.

An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 100years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a red light. The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, ‘What kind of car ya got there sonny?’ The doctor replies, ‘A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars! ‘That’s a lot of money,’ says the old man. ‘Why does it cost so much?’ ‘Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!’ states the doctor proudly. The Moped driver asks, ‘Mind if I take a look inside?’ ‘No problem,’ replies the doctor. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, ‘That’s a pretty nice car, all right… But I’ll stick with my Moped!’ Just then the light changes, So the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 160 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly WHOOOOSSSHHH ! Something whips by him going much faster! ‘What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari ?’ the doctor asks himself. He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph. Then, up ahead of him, He sees that it’s the old man on the Moped! Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the Moped at 275 mph and he’s feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN! Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph.

Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there’s nothing he can do! Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end. The doctor stops and jumps out and unbelievably the old man is still alive. He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, ‘I’m a doctor…. Is there anything I can do for you?’ The old man whispers, ‘Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror.

A friend told the blonde man: “Christmas is on a Friday this year. “
The blonde man replied, “Let’s hope it’s not the 13th.”

————————————

Two blonde men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station. One asked: “What if one explodes before we get there?”

The other says: “We’ll lie and say we only found two.”

————————————

A woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and said: 
”Close your curtains the next time you & your wife are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday.” 

To which the blonde man replied: “Well the joke’s on all of you because I wasn’t even at home yesterday.”

————————————

A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: “Did you find the shampoo?”
He answers, “Yes, but I’m not sure what to do… it’s for dry hair, and I’ve just wet mine.”

————————————

A blonde man goes to the vet with his goldfish. 
”I think it’s got epilepsy,” he tells the vet.
 The vet takes a look and says, “It seems calm enough to me”. 

The blonde man says, “Wait, I haven’t taken it out of the bowl yet”.

————————————

A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat. 
It says on the envelope “DO NOT BEND”.

He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.

————————————

A blond man shouts frantically into the phone “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!” 

”Is this her first child?” asks the Doctor. 
”No”, he shouts, “This is her husband!”

————————————

A blonde man was driving home, drunk as a skunk. 
Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another. 
A cop car pulls him over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the
road. The cop says, “That’s your air freshener swinging about!”

————————————

A blonde man’s dog goes missing and he is frantic. 
His wife says “Why don’t you put an ad in the paper?”
 He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. 
”What did you put in the paper?” his wife asks. 
”Here boy!” he replies.

————————————

A blond man is in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
 “Just WHAT are you doing?” he asks. 
”Hanging myself,” the blond replies. 
”It should be around your neck” says the guard. 
”I tried that,” he replies, “but then I couldn’t breathe”.

————————————

An Italian tourist asks a blonde 
man: “Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?” 
To which the blonde man replies: “If they fell forward, they’d still be in the boat.”

When the white missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said ‘Let us pray.’ We closed our eyes. When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land. – Desmond Tutu

America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked. – David Letterman

I’m not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. God dammit, I’m a billionaire. – Howard Hughes

After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box. – Italian proverb

Men are like linoleum floors. Lay ’em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years. – Betsy Salkind

The only reason they say ‘Women and children first’ is to test the strength of the lifeboats. – Jean Kerr

I’ve been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage. Zsa Zsa Gabor

You know you’re a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn’t. – Jeff Foxworthy

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife. – Prince Philip

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. – Emo Philips.

Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself. – Harrison Ford

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. – Spike Milligan

Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke. – Robin Hall

Kill one man and you’re a murderer, kill a million and you’re a conqueror. – Jean Rostand.

Having more money doesn’t make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I’m just as happy as when I had 48 million. – Arnold Schwarzenegger.

We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea. – WH Auden

In hotel rooms I worry. I can’t be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked. – Jonathan Katz

If life were fair Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead. – Johnny Carson

I don’t believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we’re very skeptical. – Arthur C Clarke

Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap. – Steve Martin

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. – Jimmy Durante

As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind – every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder. – John Glenn

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat? – Steven Wright

America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric. – Doug Hamwell

The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone. – George Roberts

If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport. – Jonathan Winters

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it. – Robert Benchley

One of the surprises when I installed Microsoft Office 365 on the Windows side of my MacBook Air was that there were serious issues with Outlook 2013 and Evernote. If you are like me and use Evernote to help manage your life be careful about upgrading to Microsoft Outlook 2013. Even now, some 4 months after the release of Outlook 2013, Evernote has not resolved the issues and as of yesterday Evernote does not function with Outlook 2013.  For more on this check out this link –http://discussion.evernote.com/topic/31778-evernote-plug-in-for-outlook-2013/.

In addition to not working, Evernote will hang Outlook 2013. So if you depend on being able to store emails in Evernote you may want to think twice about upgrading to 2013. Thankfully I have one machine still on Outlook 2010 so can stumble through but it is not very efficient or pretty.

To all you golfers out there FEHERTY – CBS GOLF ANNOUNCER A few choice Dave Feherty quotes are below. If you watch golf on TV he’s often an announcer. Has a distinct N. Ireland accent and a colorful way of putting things, just as below. Feherty is a CBS and Golf Channel announcer who finds very unique, colorful and uninhibited ways of explaining or describing whatever is on his mind… probably always on time delay these days. Feherty Quotes:

“Fortunately, Rory is 22 years old so his right wrist should be the strongest muscle in his body.” “That ball is so far left, Lassie couldn’t find it if it was wrapped in bacon.” “I am sorry Nick Faldo couldn’t be here this week. He is attending the birth of his next wife.” “They don’t do comedy at the Masters. The Masters, for me, is like holding onto a really big collection of gas for a week. It’s like having my buttocks surgically clenched at Augusta General Hospital on Wednesday, and surgically unclenched on Monday on the way to Hilton Head.” Jim Furyk’s swing “looks like an octopus falling out of a tree.” “He’s (Luke Donald) a bloody walking ATM. I slid my AmEx between the cheeks of his ass and out popped $500.” Describing VJ Singh’s prodigious practice regime – “VJ hits more balls than Elton John’s chin.” (Thought I was going to hurt myself laughing) “That’s a great shot with that swing.” “It’s OK – the bunker stopped it.” At Augusta 2011 – “It’s just a glorious day. The only way to ruin a day like this would be to play golf on it.” “That was a great shot – if they’d have put the pin there today.” “Everything moves except his bowels.” “Watching Phil Mickelson play golf is like watching a drunk chasing a balloon near the edge of a cliff.” “That green appears smaller than a Pygmies’ nipple”.

Forward this to any golfers with a sense of humor.

Children in Church

A little boy was in a relative’s wedding. As he was coming down the aisle, he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd. While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, “I was being the Ring Bear.”

One Sunday in a Midwest City , a young child was “acting up” during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation, “Pray for me! Pray for me!”

One particular four-year old prayed, “And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.”

A little boy was overheard praying: “Lord, if you can’t make me a better boy, don’t worry about it. I’m having a real good time like I am.”

A Sunday School teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, “And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?” One bright little girl replied, “Because people are sleeping.”

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible. He picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between the pages. “Mama, look what I found,” the boy called out. “What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy’s voice he answered, “It’s Adam ‘s suit.”

The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, “If he gets loose, will he hurt us?”

Six-year old Angie , and her four-year old brother, Joel, were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. “You’re not supposed to talk out loud in church.” “Why? Who’s going to stop me?” Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, “See those two men standing by the door? They’re hushers.”

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked , “Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?” I mentally polished my halo, while I asked, “No, how are we alike?” “You’re both old,” he replied.

A ten-year old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then, one day, she floored her grandmother by asking, “Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus ? The virgin Mary or the King James Virgin ?”

A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments and they were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted,

“Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor’s wife.”

Live life one day at a time and make it a masterpiece!

This is my first blog post written on and about my new 21.5” iMac. The one I ordered is the standard configuration except for the Fusion drive. The Fusion drive pairs a 128 GB solid-state drive (SSD) with the standard 1-terabyte conventional hard drive.  Once one gets used to the speed available with an SSD it tends to be addicting, my MacBook Air has a SSD, so I found the $250.00 upgrade an easy decision.  The Fusion drive stores the boot and other system files on the SSD and as you use the iMac it moves those things, documents and programs, that you use most to the SSD substantially speeding access. Rather than the wireless keyboard and mouse I opted for the full size USB keyboard (I want the 10-key number pad) and the wireless trackpad. Here again the decision to go with the trackpad over the mouse was drive by my experience with the MacBook Air. There are many more options available with the trackpad over the mouse. With the new slimmed down iMac Apple opted to forego an internal optical drive. For some the lack of an internal optical drive might be seen as a negative but here again the MacBook Air does not have one and the same external USB drive, a $79.00 item, that I have for the Air works on the iMac. Also, less and less of what we load to our computers comes on a CD or DVD so we find fewer uses for an optical drive. Because the Apples store at Scottsdale Quarter does not stock the 21.5” model with the Fusion drive I ordered online.  The good news is that I received it a week or more earlier than projected at the time I made the order.

Once unpacked and plugged in the process of setting up the iMac began. Because I use them on my iPad I had Pages and Numbers installed by Apple ($19.95 each) but for heavier duty work I wanted more robust options. Rather than acquire Microsoft Office for the Mac I opted for the one-month fee trial of the new Office 365 that is essentially a service that you purchase from Microsoft at a cost of $9.99 per month or $100 per year. In addition to the Office software the monthly fee includes 20 GB SkyDrive storage and 60 Minutes of international Skype calls. The Mac version is Office 2011 not the latest 2013 version available for Windows but one of the selling points for Office 365 is that for the annual fee you get upgrades. So when Microsoft brings out the new Mac version it will be upgraded. By the way the $9.99 monthly fee is for up to 5 computers, PC’s or Mac’s, so those of us with more than one machine the math really works.  For instance the Home and Business version of Office for the Mac is $220 per machine. I will let you know how this works.

Once again I was disappointed with the Mac version of Quicken. I downloaded and installed the program and imported the data file. Everything worked fine until I attempted to reconcile with Wells Fargo. Wells Fargo does not support the latest version of Quicken – it does the two older versions – so uninstall and request a refund.  Intuit offers a 60-day money back option.  Mine lasted about 2 hours. So you may want to check with your financial institution before installing Quicken for the Mac.

Configuration continues as I have not made the decision as to installing Windows on this machine – the leader in the clubhouse is no as I have Windows running on the MacBook Air and only need Windows for two items, the aforementioned Quicken and the Send Individually plug-in for Outlook. As a part of the transition from the Windows world I setup a Dropbox account and moved all of the data files from the Windows machine. Dropbox works from any device including the iPad and iPhone. 2GB of storage is available from Dropbox free but I have quite a bit more than that so I sprung for the 100 GB option at $9.99 per month – see a pattern here? A side benefit of having your data files on Dropbox or other cloud storage is that you have a backup that is off site something that we should all do.

That’s it for today but as I move forward with this transition I will keep you posted.