- ‘ Big breaths, ‘ . . . I instructed.’ Yes, they used to be, ‘ . . . replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
- One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a ‘massive internal fart.
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
- During a patient’s two-week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with One of his medications. ‘Which one? ‘ . .. . I asked. ‘The patch… The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I ‘ m running out of places to put it! ‘ I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn’t see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
- While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, ‘How long have you been bedridden? ‘ After a look of complete confusion, she answered . . . ‘ Why, not for about twenty years – when my husband was alive. ‘
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson – Corvallis, OR
- As I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man, I asked . . . ‘ So how’s your breakfast this morning? ‘ ‘It’s very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem to get used to the taste.’ Bob replied. I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled ‘ KY Jelly. ‘
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit
- A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered . . . It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that read . . . ‘ Keep off the grass. ‘ Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient’s dressing, which said ‘ Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn. ‘
Submitted by RN no name,
- As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB. I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams… To cover my embarrassment, I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said. ‘ I’m sorry. Was I tickling you? ‘ She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard . . . ‘ No doctor but the song you were whistling was . . .’ I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener. ‘
Dr. wouldn’t submit his name….
Plus, One MORE
- Baby ‘ s First Doctor Visit This made me laugh out loud. I hope it will give you a smile! A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby’s first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. ‘Breast-fed, ‘ she replied. ‘ Well, strip down to your waist, ‘ the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said,’ No wonder this baby is underweight. You don’t have any milk. ‘ I know, ‘ she said, ‘I’m his Grandma, But I’m glad I came
A Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his Mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English. So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, ‘This is a tree.’ The chief looks at the tree and grunts, ‘Tree.’ The Priest is pleased with the response.
So, the man puts down the box and opens it and then he pulls a small piano out of it and places it on the bar and then a little man as well.
The little man walks up to the piano and starts playing!
The barman was blown away by this and agrees to the drinks and asks, “where did you find him?”
“I rubbed it and a genie appeared and granted me one wish and then he said I must pass the lamp on to the next person that did me a kindness”
“Wow” says the barman.
Next thing the bar has ducks everywhere!!! Crapping on the bar and the floor and all over the customers!!!!!
The barman shouts at the man saying” I wished for a million Bucks! not a million ducks! “
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife And Daughter
“Last year we couldn’t win at home and we were losing on the road. My failure as a coach was that I couldn’t think of anyplace else to play. – Harry Neale, professional hockey coach
The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
A virile, middle-aged, Italian guy named Guido was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment.
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
