Jan, Sue and Mary haven’t seen each other since high school.

They rediscover each other via a reunion website and arrange to meet for lunch in a wine bar.

Jan arrives first, wearing a beige Versace. She orders a bottle of Pinot Grigio.

Sue arrives shortly afterward, in gray Chanel. After the required ritualized kisses she joins Jan in a glass of wine.

Then Mary walks in, wearing a faded old tee-shirt, blue jeans and boots. She too shares the wine.

Jan explains that after leaving high school and graduating from Princeton in Classics, she met and married Timothy, with whom she has a beautiful daughter. Timothy is a partner in one of New York’s leading law firms. They live in a 4000 sq ft co-op on Fifth Avenue, where Susanna, the daughter, attends drama school. They have a second home in Phoenix.

Sue relates that she graduated from Harvard Med School and became a surgeon. Her husband, Clive is a leading Wall Street investment banker. They live in Southampton on Long Island and have a second home in Naples, Florida.

Mary explains that she left school at 17 and ran off with her boyfriend, Jim. They run a tropical bird park in Kansas and grow their own vegetables. Jim can stand five parrots, side by side, on his penis.

Halfway down the third bottle of wine and several hours later, Jan blurts out that her husband is really a cashier at Wal-Mart. They live in a small apartment in Brooklyn and have a travel trailer parked at a nearby storage facility.

Sue, chastened and encouraged by her old friend’s honesty, explains that she and Clive are both nurses’ aides in a retirement home. They live in Jersey City and take vacation camping trips to Alabama.

Mary admits that the fifth parrot has to stand on one leg.

Ole and Lars are walking down a street in Minocqua WI, when they see a sign on a store that reads, “suits $5.00 each, shirts $2.00 each, and trousers $2.50 per pair.”

Ole says to his pal Lars, “Looky here! We could buy a whole gob of dese, take ’em back at Dulute, sell ’em to our friends, ‘n make a fortune.  Now when we go in der, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do DA talkin cuz if dey hear yur accent, dey might tink we’re ignorant ‘n try to cheat us.  No way, dey’ll know we’re from Minnesota.

They go in and Ole says with his best “Wisconsin” accent, “I’ll take 50 of those suits at $5.00 each, 100 of those shirts at $2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at $2.50 each.  I’ll back up my pickup and..”

The owner of the shop interrupts, “You’re from Minnesota, ain’t you?” 

“Vell…yeah,” says a surprised Ole. “How’d ya know dat?”

“Because this is a Dry Cleaners…”

Just bought this coffee maker, used to be owned by Blair Walsh.

I called “Dial-A-Prayer For Atheists”… No one answered.

The younger generation may not know it but at one time Willie Nelson was songwriter of the year. Such songs as “Hello Wall”, “Crazy” sung by Patsy Cline. “Funny how Time Slips Away” & a host of other favorites. He is also a well-recognized poet in his own circle of friends.

Whether or not you are a country music fan, these are truly the words of a deep thinker.

So simple, yet so profound! Read the words of wisdom from that famous philosopher, Willie Nelson, iconic country and western singer, on his 80th birthday below his esteemed portrait. Only a man with such wisdom and maturity could be so concise and succinct in phrasing his feelings at this turning point in his life.

Whether or not you are a country music fan, these are truly the words of a deep thinker.

“I’ve outlived my dick.”
A Poem – by Willie Nelson

My nookie days are over,
My pilot light is out.
What used to be my pride and joy,
Is now my water spout.

Time was when, on its own accord,
From my trousers it would spring.
But now I’ve got a full-time job,
To find the friggin thing.

It used to be embarrassing,
The way it would behave.
For every single morning,
It would stand and watch me shave.

Now as old age approaches,
It sure gives me the blues.
To see it hang its little head,
And watch me tie my shoes!

A Breakfast Cereal of Mystical Power?

I Think I Will Stick With Cheerios!

Cowboy Logic

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?”

“No, I had to stop drinking years ago,” the homeless man replied.

“Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?” the man asked.

“Are you NUTS!” replied the homeless man. “I haven’t played golf in 20 years!”

“Well,” said the man, “I’m not going to give you money. Instead, I’m going to take you home for a hot shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife.”

The homeless man was astounded.  “Won’t your wife be furious with you for doing that?

The man replied, “That’s okay.  It’s important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking and golf.”

• How does Moses make tea?…….. Hebrews it.
• Venison for dinner again?……. Oh deer!
• A cartoonist was found dead in his home……. Details are sketchy.
• I used to be a banker, but then…….. I lost interest.
• Haunted French pancakes give me,…… The crêpes.
• England has no kidney bank, but it does have,……. A Liverpool.
• I tried to catch some fog, …….but I mist.
• They told me I had type-A blood, but………. It was a Typo.
• I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic……… It’s syncing now.
• Jokes about German sausage……. Are the wurst.
• I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid, but he says,……. He can stop any time.
• I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, ……..and then it dawned on me.
• This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, ……..but I’d never met herbivore.
• When chemists die,…….. They barium.
• I’m reading a book about anti-gravity…….. I just can’t put it down.
• I did a theatrical performance about puns. ……… It was a play on words.
• Why were the Indians here first? ……… They had reservations.
• I didn’t like my beard at first………. Then it grew on me.
• Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because……. She couldn’t control her pupils?
• When you get a bladder infection,…… Urine trouble.
• Broken pencils are…….. Pointless.
• What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?……. A thesaurus.
• I dropped out of communism class because of lousy…….. Marx.
• ll the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen…….. The police have nothing to go on.
• I got a job at a bakery because…. I kneaded dough.
• Velcro …… What a rip off!
• Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.