Daniel Snyder, owner of the NFL Redskins, has announced that the team is dropping “Washington” from the team name, and it will henceforth be simply known as “The Redskins.” It was reported that he finds the word ‘Washington’ imparts a negative image of mismanagement, poor leadership, corruption, cheating, lying, and graft, and is not a fitting role model for young fans of football!
Day Brightener – Testicle Therapy
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The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. ‘Please allow me to help. I’m a Physio-Therapist and I know I can relieve your pain if you’d allow me.’ ‘Oh, no, I’ll be all right. I’ll be fine in a few minutes,’ the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, ‘How does that feel’? ‘Feels great,’ he replied; ‘but I still think my thumb’s broken!’ |
Day Brightener – How Churches Dealt With The Squirrel Problem
The Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrels. After much prayer and consideration, they determined the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn’t interfere with God’s divine will.
At the Baptist Church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The Elders met and decided to put a water slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.
The Episcopal Church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist Church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water slide
But the Catholic Church came up with a very creative strategy. They baptized all the squirrels and consecrated them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish Synagogue, but it’s rumored that they took one squirrel and circumcised him. They haven’t seen a squirrel on their property since.
Friday Frivolity – Great Bars
“As good as this bar is,” said the Scotsman, “I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there’s a wee place called McTavish’s. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he’ll buy the fifth drink.”
“Well, Angus,” said the Englishman, “At my local the Red Lion in London, the barman will buy you your third drink after you pay for the first two.”
“Ahhh, dat’s nothin’,” said Paddy Sheehan, the Irishman. “Back home in me favorite pub in Galway, the moment you set foot in the place, they’ll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you’ve had enough drinks, they’ll take you upstairs and see dat you get laid, all on the house!”
The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. “Did this actually happen to you?”
“Not me self, personally, no,” admitted the Irishman, “but it did happen to me sister quite a few times.”
Day Brightener – The Familiar Creek
You know how we always say we are there? Well, I finally found it. Somehow you just always knew it was out there…somewhere.
Now, if I could only find my paddle…..
Day Brightener – Bet I Can Make You Smile
What is Celibacy?
Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.
While attending a Marriage Weekend, Frank and his wife Ann listened to the instructor declare, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.”
He then addressed the men. “Can you name and describe your wife’s favorite flower?”
Frank leaned over, touched Ann’s arm gently, and whispered
“Gold Medal -All-Purpose, isn’t it?”
And thus began Frank’s life of celibacy.
AND YOU THOUGHT I COULDN’T SEND YOU A SMILE TODAY….
Day Brightener – Idle Thoughts Of A Wandering Mind
I had amnesia once — or twice.
Protons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Roman Catholic.
I am neither for nor against apathy.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.
What is a “free” gift? Aren’t all gifts free?
They told me I was gullible and I believed them.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home, and when he grows up, he’ll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
One nice thing about egotists … they don’t talk about other people.
My weight is perfect for my height … which varies.
I used to be indecisive. Now, I’m not sure.
The cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.
How can there be self-help groups?
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I’ll show you a man who can’t get his pants off.
Is it just me, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
Day Brightener – I Did Not Know This About Las Vegas
Do Las Vegas churches accept gambling chips? This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas but there are more catholic churches than casinos. Not surprisingly, some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.
Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings. The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in. This is done by the chip monks.
You didn’t even see this coming did you?
Day Brightener – Interesting Observations And Questions
Spread the Smiles
Only in America…….do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
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Only in America……do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
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Only in America…..do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
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Only in America…..do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
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Only in America…….do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
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Only in America……do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
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EVER WONDER ….
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin
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Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed?________________________________
Why don’t you ever see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?________________________________
Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?
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Why is it that doctors call what they do ‘practice’
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Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
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Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?________________________________
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?________________________________
Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?
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Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
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Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections
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You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
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Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
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Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?________________________________
I like this one!!!
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?________________________________
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?________________________________
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