MARINE CORPS EXERCISE REGIMEN FOR PEOPLE OVER 60
For those of us over 60 – this is a great exercise regimen – for you young’uns out there (under 60), just keep it in mind until you reach that magic 60 number!

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room on each side.  With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides.  Hold them there as long as you can.  Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.  Each day you’ll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.  Then try 50-lb potato bags, and then eventually, try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.  (I’m currently at this level.)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.

An image of a woman kicking her husband.

Bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman – “Which book has helped you most in your life?”

The woman replied, “My husband’s check book!!”
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A prospective husband in a book store “Do you have a book called ‘Husband – the Master of the House?’”

Sales girl: “Sir, fiction and comics are on the 1st floor!”
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Someone asked an old man: “Even after 70 years, you still call your wife – darling, honey, luv.  What’s the secret?”

Old man: “I forgot her name and I’m scared to ask her.”
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Pharmacist to customer: “Sir, please understand, to buy an anti-depression pill you need a proper prescription …

Simply showing marriage certificate and wife’s picture is not enough !
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For MEN…..and WOMEN with a bit of humor ??

A man was granted two wishes by God. He asked for the best drink & the best woman ever.

Next moment he got mineral water & Mother Teresa.
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There are 3 kinds of men in this world. Some remain single and make wonders happen. Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen.

Rest get married and wonder what happened!
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Wives are magicians. They can change anything into an argument.
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Why do women live a Better, Longer & Peaceful Life, compared to men?

A very INTELLIGENT student replied: “Because Women don’t have a wife!”
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COOL MESSAGE BY A WIFE: Dear Mother-in-law, Don’t teach me how to handle my children.

I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement!?
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When a married man says, I WILL THINK ABOUT IT –

what he really means is that he doesn’t know his wife’s opinion yet.
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A lady says to her doctor: “My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep! What should I give him to cure it?”

The doctor replies: “Give him an opportunity to speak when he’s awake! “

Six great confusions still unresolved

1. At a movie theater, which ‘arm rest’ is yours?
2. In the word scent, is “S”  silent or “C”?
3. If people evolve from monkeys, why are monkeys still around?
4. Why is there a ‘D’ in fridge, but not in refrigerator?
5. Who knew what time it was when the first clock was made?
6. If pro and con are opposites, wouldn’t the opposite of progress be…congress?

Vagaries of English Language!-

• Wonder why the word funeral starts with FUN?
• Why isn’t a Fireman called a Water-man?H
• ow come Lipstick doesn’t do what it says?
• If money doesn’t grow on trees, how come Banks have Branches?
• If a Vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a Humanitarian eat?
• How do you get off a non-stop Flight?
• Why are goods sent by ship called CARGO and those sent by truck SHIPMENT?
• Why do we put cups in the dishwasher and the dishes in the Cupboard?
• Why do doctors ‘practice’ medicine? Are they having practice at the cost of the patients?
• Why is it called ‘Rush Hour’ when traffic moves at its slowest then?
• How come Noses run and Feet smell?
• Why do they call it a TV ‘set’ when there is only one?W
• hat are you vacating when you go on a vacation?

We can never find the answers, can we? So just enjoy the pun and fun of the English language!!

Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced: “Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to New York’s JFK. The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight. So, sit back, relax, and………OH… MY GOD!”

Silence followed.

Some moments later, the captain came back on the intercom. “Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!”

From the back of the plane, an Irish passenger yelled……..”For the luvva Jaysus……you should see the back of mine!”

Number One Idiot:
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.   I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away. Here’s your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.

Number Two Idiot:
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s.  They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home.  Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming toward them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon   that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing. Here’s your sign, guys. Don’t get it wet; the paint might run.

Number Three Idiot:
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this, “Put all your money in this bag.” While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller’s window. So, he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank.  After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn’t the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, “OK” and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.Don’t bother  with this guy’s sign. He probably couldn’t read it anyway.

Number Four Idiot:
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $140.00 and a photo of his car.  Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $140.00. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $140.00. Wise guy … But you still get a sign.

Number Five Idiot :
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer.  After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, “Because I don’t believe you are over 21.”; The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn’t believe him.  At this point, the robber took his driver’s license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag.  The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.