1. A girl is said to be grown up when she starts wearing a bra. A boy is grown up when he starts removing it.
2. We all love to spend money buying new clothes, but we never realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.
3. Having a cold drink on hot day with a few friends is nice but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks is priceless.
4. Breaking News: Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman’s husband.
5. Arguing over a girl’s bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Coors and Budweiser. Men may state their preferences but will grab whatever is available.   

I haven’t verified these on “Snopes”, but they sound about right.