As I left the hardware store the other day, I was fumbling for my car keys and could not find them. They weren’t in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car.  

Frantically, I headed for the parking lot.  My wife has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car’s ignition.  

She’s afraid that the car could be stolen.  As I looked around the parking lot, I realized she was right.

 The parking lot was empty.  I immediately called the police.  I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all to my wife: “I left my keys in the car and it’s been stolen.

“There was a moment of silence. 

 I thought the call had been disconnected, but then I heard her voice.  “Are you kidding me?” she barked, “I dropped you off!”

Now it was my turn to be silent.  Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me then”.

 “She retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this cop that I didn’t steal your f@#n car!”

 “Welcome to the Golden Years”

MY DOCTOR ASKED IF ANYONE IN MY FAMILY WAS SUFFERING FROM MENTAL ILLNESS.  I SAID; “NO, WE ALL SEEM TO ENJOY IT”.