Day Brightener – Red Skelton’s Recipe For The Perfect Marriage

  1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.  She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.
  2. We also sleep-in separate beds.  Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
  3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
  4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.  “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said. So, I suggested the kitchen.
  5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
  6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.  She said, “There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!” So, I bought her an electric chair.
  7. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor.  I asked where the car was. She told me, “In the lake.”
  8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.  Then the mud fell off.
  9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?” The driver said, “No, jump in!”.
  10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
  11. I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was ‘Always’.
  12. I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.  I don’t like to interrupt her.
  13. The last fight was my fault though.  My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?” I said, “Dust!”.

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