A Lanark schoolteacher asked her students to make a sentence containing the expression “I presume”.

One little girl held up her hand and said: “Yesterday my mother hand washed the dinner dishes and I presumed that the dishwasher was broken.”

“Very good” said the teacher.

Another one said: “This morning, my father drove the Volkswagen out of the garage, I presume that the BMW wouldn’t start.”

“That’s excellent” says the teacher.

Little Willy at the back of the classroom gets up and says: “Yesterday I saw grandpa leave the house with a newspaper under his arm and headed for the woods, I presume that…

The teacher interrupts him and says, “I stopped you because you have no idea what your grandfather was going to do, so you can’t presume anything.”

Willy says, “Please Teacher, let me finish my sentence.”

The teacher says, “Very well. Continue.”

“As I was saying, I saw my grandpa heading for the woods with a newspaper under his arm. I presume he was going for a shit because he can’t read.”