There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.  ~  Oscar Levant

All generalizations are false, including this one.  ~  Mark Twain

I am thankful that all the people in the world who absolutely, positively, know what God wants, usually kill mostly each other. ~ Elayne Boosler

Guys wake up at your place and they expect breakfast. They don’t eat bagels and M&M’s in the morning. They want things like toast. I say, ‘I don’t have these recipes.’ ~ Elayne Boosler

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It’s a whole different way of thinking. ~ Elayne Boosler

Only two groups of people intimidate me absolutely: salespeople and the French. ~ Bette Midler

It’s always consoling to know that today’s Christmas gifts are tomorrow’s garage sales. ~ Milton Berle

Would be cool to wake up one day and there’s just a huge, new, unexpected bit of incredibly good news. ~ Chris Hayes

I want it all – and I would like it delivered. ~ Better Midler

Men in power always seem to get involved in sex scandals, but women don’t even have a word for ‘male bimbo.’ Except maybe ‘senator. ~ Elayne Boosler

People want sex education out of the schools. They believe sex education causes promiscuity. Hey, I took algebra, but I never do math. ~ Elayne Boosler

There’s no experience quite like cutting your own live Christmas tree out of your neighbor’s yard. ~ Dan Florence

Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.  ~  Mae West

No matter how bad things get, it’s impossible not to love someone who made you toast. Once you’ve been through that crusty surface to the soft underneath and tasted the warm, salty butter you’ll last forever. ~ Nigel Slater

The true business of the philosopher, though not flattering to his vanity, is merely to ascertain, arrange and condense the facts. ~ John Leslie

During the warm season (August 8 and 9), Maine is a true vacation paradise, offering visitors a chance to jump into crystal-clear mountain lakes and see if they can get back out again before their bodily tissue is frozen as solid as a supermarket turkey. ~ Dave Barry

BTW – Elayne Booster is comedian, writer, actress, activist, philanthropist.