A doctor on his morning walk, noticed the old lady pictured above: She was sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said, “I couldn’t help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?”
“I smoke ten cigars a day,” she said. “Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food. On weekends, I pop pills, have sex, and I don’t exercise at all.
“That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?”
“Forty,” she replied.
On my last trip home I found myself in a pub in Cork. A group of American tourists came in. One of the Americans said, in a loud voice, “I hear you Irish think your great drinkers. I bet 5,000 euros that no-one here can drink 30 pints of Guinness in 30 minutes.” The bar was silent, the American noticed one Irishman leaving, no one took up the bet.
40 minutes later the Irishman who left returned and said “Hey Yank, is your wee bet still on?” “Sure” said the American, “30 pints in 30 minutes for a bet of 5,000 euros.”
“Grand so” replied the Irishman, “pour the pints and start the clock.” It was very close but the last drop was consumed with 2 seconds to spare. “Ok yank, pay up.” said the Irishman.
“I’m happy to pay, here is your money” said the American. “But tell me, when I first offered the wager I saw you leave. Where did you go?’
The Irishman replied, “Well sir, 5,000 euros is a lot of money to a man like me, so I went to the pub across the road to see if I could do it.”