Day Brightener – Word Fun From The Washington Post

The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational invited readers to take any word from the  dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and  supply a new definition.

Here are the  winners: 

  1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house,  which renders the subject financially impotent for an  indefinite  period of time.
  2. Ignoranus: A person who’s  both stupid and an asshole.
  3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at  getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to  start with.
  4. Reintarnation: Coming back  to life as a hillbilly.
  5. Bozone (n.): The substance  surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The  bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the  near future.
  6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about  yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
  7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
  8. Sarchasm: The  gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get  it.
  9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are  running late.
  10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate  disease.  – (This one got extra credit.)
  11. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really  bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a  serious bummer.
  12. Decafalon (n): The grueling event of  getting through the day consuming only things that are good for  you.
  13. All talk and no action.
  14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they  come at you rapidly.
  15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The  frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a  spider web.
  16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a  mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and  cannot be cast out.
  17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you  turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning  submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings  for common words. And the winners are:

  1. Coffee, n. The  person upon whom one coughs.
  2. Flabbergasted, adj.  Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
  3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat  stomach.
  4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while  drunk.
  5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
  6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a  nightgown.
  7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
  8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
  9. Flatulence, n.  Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a  steamroller.
  10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding  hairline.
  11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
  12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by  proctologists.
  13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
  14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with  Yiddishisms.
  15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that,  after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck  there.
  16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer  shorts worn by Jewish men.

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