I LOVE THE AGING PROCESS,

HOW ABOUT YOU ?

IT TEACHES YOU TO LAUGH AT YOURSELF.

As I left the hardware store the other day, I was fumbling for my car keys and could not find them. They weren’t in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car.  

Frantically, I headed for the parking lot.  My wife has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car’s ignition.  

She’s afraid that the car could be stolen.  As I looked around the parking lot, I realized she was right.

 The parking lot was empty.  I immediately called the police.  I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all to my wife: “I left my keys in the car and it’s been stolen.

“There was a moment of silence. 

 I thought the call had been disconnected, but then I heard her voice.  “Are you kidding me?” she barked, “I dropped you off!”

Now it was my turn to be silent.  Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me then”.

 “She retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this cop that I didn’t steal your f@#n car!”

 “Welcome to the Golden Years”

MY DOCTOR ASKED IF ANYONE IN MY FAMILY WAS SUFFERING FROM MENTAL ILLNESS.  I SAID; “NO, WE ALL SEEM TO ENJOY IT”.

1. A girl is said to be grown up when she starts wearing a bra. A boy is grown up when he starts removing it.
2. We all love to spend money buying new clothes, but we never realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.
3. Having a cold drink on hot day with a few friends is nice but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks is priceless.
4. Breaking News: Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman’s husband.
5. Arguing over a girl’s bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Coors and Budweiser. Men may state their preferences but will grab whatever is available.   

I haven’t verified these on “Snopes”, but they sound about right.

I came across this phrase in a book yesterday: “fender skirts.”

I haven’t heard this term in a long time and thinking about “fender skirts” started me thinking about other words that quietly disappear from our language with hardly a notice, such as “curb feelers” and “steering knobs.”

Since I’d been thinking of cars, my mind naturally went that direction first. Kids, you will probably have to find some elderly person over 60 to explain some of these terms to you.

Remember “continental kits”? They were rear bumper extenders and spare tire covers that were supposed to make any car as cool as a Lincoln Continental.

When did we quit calling them “emergency brakes”? At some point “parking brake” became the proper term. But I miss the hint of drama that went with “emergency brake.”

Didn’t you ever wait at the street for your dad to come home so you could ride the “running board” up to the house?

Here’s a phrase I heard all the time in my youth but never anymore: “store-bought.” Of course, just about everything is store-bought these days. But once it was bragging material to have a store-bought dress or a store-bought bag of candy.

“Coast-to-coast” is a phrase that once held all sorts of excitement and now means almost nothing. Now we take the term “worldwide” for granted. This floors me.

On a smaller scale, “wall-to-wall” was once a magical term in our homes. In the ’50s, everyone covered hardwood floors with, wow, wall-to-wall carpeting! Today, everyone replaces wall-to-wall carpeting with hardwood floors. Go figure.

Most of these words go back to the ’50s, but here’s a pure ’60s word I came across the other day: “rat fink.” Ooh, what a nasty put-down!

Here’s a word I miss: “percolator.” That was just a fun word to say. And what was it replaced with? “Coffee maker.” How dull. Mr. Coffee, I blame you for this.

I miss those made-up marketing words that were meant to sound so modern and now sound so retro: words like “DynaFlow” and “Electrolux.” Introducing the 1963 Admiral TV, now with “SpectraVision”!

Here’s food for thought: Was there a telethon that wiped out lumbago? Nobody complains of that anymore. Maybe that’s what castor oil cured, because I never hear mothers threatening kids with castor oil anymore.

Some words aren’t gone but are definitely on the endangered list. The one that grieves me most is “supper.” Now everybody says “dinner.” Save a great word. Invite someone to supper. Discuss fender skirts.

Someone forwarded this to me. I thought some of us of a “certain age” would remember most of these. So, just for fun, pass it along to others of “a certain age.”