This actually happened ….. 

They dressed the truck up with the guy tied down on the roof.  The driver and passengers put on moose heads. Then they went down the toll road ………. the Interstate ………………. causing 16 accidents.

 Yes; they went to jail.   

Yes; alcohol was involved

Yes; men cannot be left alone

This post is one I redo periodically partly because of its relevance today, particularly after the just completed election, and on a personal level because Jefferson is one of my favorite presidents.  An interesting postscript is that both Jefferson and John Adams died on July 4, 1826.

I think this is the most extraordinary collection of talent, of human knowledge, that has ever been gathered at the White House – with the possible exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone. – John F. Kennedy – Remarks at a Dinner Honoring Nobel Prize Winners of the Western Hemisphere.

HOW DID JEFFERSON KNOW??????

When we get piled upon one another in large cities, as in Europe, we shall become as corrupt as Europe.
Thomas Jefferson

The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.
Thomas Jefferson

It is incumbent on every generation to pay its own debts as it goes. A principle which if acted on would save one-half the wars of the world.
Thomas Jefferson

I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them.
Thomas Jefferson

My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results from too much government.
Thomas Jefferson

No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms.
Thomas Jefferson

The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government.
Thomas Jefferson

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.
Thomas Jefferson

To compel a man to subsidize with his taxes the propagation of ideas which he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical.
Thomas Jefferson

Thomas Jefferson said in 1802:
‘I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies. If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their currency, first by inflation, then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow up around the banks will deprive the people of all property until their children wake-up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered..’

This is one I have posted before but thought it was appropriate after yesterday.

If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. ~Jay Leno~

The problem with political jokes is they get elected. ~Henry Cate, VII~

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office ~Aesop~

If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the Union speeches, there wouldn’t be any inducement to go to heaven. ~Will Rogers~

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. ~Nikita Khrushchev~

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it. ~Clarence Darrow~

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. ~John Quinton~

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. ~Author unknown 

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. ~Oscar Ameringer~

I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them. ~Adlai Stevenson, 1952~

A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. ~ Tex Guinan~

I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. ~Charles de Gaulle~

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. ~Doug Larson~

There ought to be one day — just one — when there is open season on Congressmen. ~Will Rogers~

Well She Did What He Asked
This is a true story and may well fall into the “Truth is Stranger than Fiction” category. My wife’s aunt Sophie, who was in her 90’s at the time, was driving home in western Minnesota and approached a stop sign which she chose to ignore and made a right turn on to the crossroad. The problem was that the crossroad did not have a stop sign and there was approaching traffic. Sophie’s failure to stop forced the other vehicle, a minivan, into the ditch. Fortunately, no one was hurt however a highway patrolman was also at the intersection and observed the whole thing. As one might expect the patrolman pursued Sophie and pulled her over. The patrolmen walked up to Sophie’s car and asked for her driver’s license. Sophie dutifully produced her license, handed it to the patrolman, rolled up her window and drove off – leaving the patrolman standing in the road holding Sophie’s drivers license. To no one’s surprise, this ended Sophie’s driving career.

I do not know if the following story is true or not (probably not) but it is entertaining and kind of fits with Sophie’s story.

Story from A Minnesota State Trooper
I made a traffic stop of an elderly lady the other day for speeding on Minnesota State Highway 210 at mile marker 197, just east of McGregor MN. I asked for her Driver’s license and proof of insurance. Somewhat surprised (due to her advanced age) to see she had a conceal carry permit. I looked at her and asked if she had a weapon in her possession at this time. She responded that she indeed had a .45 automatic in her glove box. Something, her body language or the way she said it, made me want to ask if she had any other firearms. She did admit to also having a 9mm Glock in her center console. Now I had to ask one more time if that was all. She responded once again that she did have one more, a .38 special in her purse. I asked her what she was afraid of?  “Not a F—ing thing!”

Seattle Propane has a person with a really good sense of humor running their WALLINGFORD sign department. 

A husband reluctantly agreed to play in the couples’ alternate shot tournament at his club. He teed off on the first hole, a par four, and blistered a drive 300 yards down the middle of the fairway. Upon reaching the ball, the husband said to his wife, “Just hit it toward the green, anywhere around there will be fine.” His wife proceeded to shank the ball deep into the woods. Undaunted, the husband said, “That’s OK, Sweetheart” and spent the full five minutes looking for the ball. He found it just in time, but in a horrible position. He played the shot of his life to get the ball within two feet of the hole. He told his wife to knock the ball in. His wife then proceeded to take her putter out and knock the ball off the green and into a bunker. Still maintaining composure, the husband summoned all of his skill and holed the shot from the bunker. He took the ball out of the hole and while walking off the green, put his arm around his wife and calmly said, “Honey, that was a bogey five and that’s OK, but I think we can do better.” To which she replied, “Listen asshole, don’t bitch at me, only 2 of those 5 shots were mine.

An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 100years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a red light. The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, ‘What kind of car ya got there sonny?’ The doctor replies, ‘A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars! ‘That’s a lot of money,’ says the old man. ‘Why does it cost so much?’ ‘Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!’ states the doctor proudly. The Moped driver asks, ‘Mind if I take a look inside?’ ‘No problem,’ replies the doctor. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, ‘That’s a pretty nice car, all right… But I’ll stick with my Moped!’ Just then the light changes, So the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 160 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly WHOOOOSSSHHH ! Something whips by him going much faster! ‘What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari ?’ the doctor asks himself. He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph. Then, up ahead of him, He sees that it’s the old man on the Moped! Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the Moped at 275 mph and he’s feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN! Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph.

Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there’s nothing he can do! Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end. The doctor stops and jumps out and unbelievably the old man is still alive. He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, ‘I’m a doctor…. Is there anything I can do for you?’ The old man whispers, ‘Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror.

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can’t afford one.  So, I’m  wearing my garage door opener.

I also made a cover for my  hearing aid and now I have what they call blue teeth, I think.

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn’t like me anyway.

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!

I thought about  making a fitness movie for folks my age, and call it ‘Pumping Rust’.

I’ve gotten that dreaded furniture disease.  That’s when your chest is falling into your drawers!

When people see a cat’s litter box, they always say, ‘Oh, have you got a cat?’  Just once I want to say, ‘No, it’s for company!’

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency.  I think you should write, ‘A Good Doctor’!

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older.  Then, it dawned on me.  They were cramming for their finals. As for me, I’m just hoping God grades on the curve.

A penny saved is a government oversight.

The older you get,  the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

He who hesitates is probably right.

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble..

Did you ever notice:  When you put the 2 words ‘The’ and ‘IRS’ together it spells ‘Theirs…’

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Some people try to turn back their odometers.  Not me, I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way.  I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of Algebra.

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.  Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Lord, Keep your arm  around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth . . … AMEN

I’m passing this on because it worked for me….

A doctor on TV said that in order to have inner peace in our lives during this political campaign, we should always finish things that we start. Since we all could use more calm in our lives, I looked around my house to find things I’d started & hadn’t finished.

I finished a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Bayleys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Waliuminun scriptins, an a bxo a choclutz. Yuz haz kno idr how fablus I feeeel rite now.

Sned this to all ur frenz who need inner piss. An telum u luvum.

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.

A well-dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman in a blue business suit is sitting at the coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant. Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.  As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? ” “No,” the woman replied, “I’m with the Internal Revenue Service.”