It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold.

The Hedgehogs, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered and protected themselves, but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions. 

After awhile, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen. So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth.

Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. They learned to live with the little wounds caused by the close relationship with their companions in order to receive the heat that came from the others. This way they were able to survive.

The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person’s good qualities. 

The moral of the story is: 

Just learn to live with the Pricks in your life!

Not many years ago, GM made automobiles in Flint, Michigan and you couldn’t drink the water in Mexico.

After 7+ years of the government’s help, GM now makes cars in Mexico and you can’t drink the water in Flint !!

Go figure.

I urgently needed a few days off work, but, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted ‘Crazy’ then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.

My co-worker (who’s blonde) asked me what I was doing.

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was ‘Crazy’ and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, ‘What in the name of good GOD are you doing?’ I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, ‘You are clearly stressed out.’ Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.’

I jumped down and walked out of the office.

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, ‘And where do you think you’re going?!’

(You’re gonna love this….)

She said, ‘I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.

An elderly man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous blonde waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that just won’t quit comes to his table and asks him if he was ready to order

She said, “What would you like, sir?

He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom then answers “A quickie.”

The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks him again, “What would you like sir?”

Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers,

“A quickie please.”

This time, her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding ‘SMACK’ that can be heard all over the restaurant and she storms away.

A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers,

“Um, I think it’s pronounced ‘quiche.’ ” !!

Donald Trump was visiting a primary school in Orlando and visited a grade four class. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked Mr. Trump if he would like to lead the discussion on the word ‘tragedy.’ So our illustrious Republican candidate asked the class for an example of a ‘tragedy’.

One little boy stood up and offered: “If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs him over and kills him, that would be a tragedy.”

“No,” said Trump, “that would be an accident.”

A little girl raised her hand: “If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone, that would be a tragedy.”

“I’m afraid not,” explained Trump. “That’s what we would call great loss.”

The room went silent. No other child volunteered. Trump searched the room. “Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”

Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher held her breath. In a quiet voice he said: “If the plane carrying you was struck by a ‘friendly fire’ missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy.”

“Fantastic!” exclaimed Trump, “That’s right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?”

“Well,” says Johnny, “It has to be a tragedy because it sure as hell wouldn’t be a great loss and you can bet your sweet ass it wouldn’t be an accident either!”

The teacher left the room.

This should be sent only to those whose level of maturity qualifies them to relate to it..

1966: Long hair
2016: Longing for hair

1966: KEG
2016: EKG

1966: Acid rock
2016: Acid reflux

1966: Moving to California because it’s cool
2016: Moving to Arizona because it’s warm

1966: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2016: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

1966: Seeds and stems
2016: Roughage

1966: Hoping for a BMW
2016: Hoping for a BM

1966: Going to a new, hip joint
2016: Receiving a new hip joint

1966: Rolling Stones
2016: Kidney Stones

1966: Screw the system
2016: Upgrade the system

1966: Disco
2016: Costco

1966: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2016: Children begging you to get their heads shaved

1966: Passing the drivers’ test
2016: Passing the vision test

1966: Whatever
2016: Depends

Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.  As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc. The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their ‘tourist’ garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a ‘drop dead gorgeous’ blonde in a topless bikini came walking straight towards them..They couldn’t help but stare.

As the blonde passed them she smiled and said ‘Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father,’ nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she passed on by. They were both stunned.  How in the world did she know they were priests? So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits. These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them! Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a little while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a different colored topless bikini, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them, and said ‘Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father,’ and started to walk away. One of the priests couldn’t stand it any longer and said, ‘Just a minute, young lady.’ ‘Yes, Father?’ ‘We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are?’ She replied, Father, it’s me, — Sister Kathleen.’

• Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
• When I married Mr. Right, I had no idea his first name was Always.
• My wife got 8 out 10 on her driver’s test–the other two guys managed to jump out of her way.
• There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
• Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
• Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
• He who laughs last thinks slowest.
• Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?
• Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
• I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
• Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
• The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don’t have mow it.
• I like long walks, especially when they’re taken by people who annoy me.
• I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn’t find it.
• If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
• Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
• If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?
• Money is the root of all wealth.
• No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

1. In the Beginning
   The Masters as we know it would never have been, if the USGA hadn’t turned down Bobby Jones’ request to host the 1934 US Open. Angry at the rebuff, Jones and Clifford Roberts decided to stage their own event.

2. Bitter Sweet
   Course architect, Alister McKenzie, never saw his famous course completed. He died January 6th 1934, just 2 months before the Inaugural Masters Tournament.

3. The Language
   You should never hear the word “championship” on the telecast. The U.S. Open, British Open, and PGA are championships held by the major ruling and organizing bodies of the sport (or a vestige thereof in the case of the PGA). The Masters is an invitational tournament held at a very pretty golf course, given prestige by the involvement of Bobby Jones. The winner is not the champion of anything. Other words you shouldn’t hear: “fans,” “bleachers,” “sand traps,” “front/back nine.” The officially preferred words are “patrons,” “observation stands,” “bunkers,” and “first/second nine.” That last distinction is aimed at avoiding use of the phrase “front side” for the first nine holes, leading inevitably to the so, so vulgar “back side” for the next nine.

4. Respect
   Some amateurs have always been invited to the Masters, out of respect for the career of club founder Bobby Jones. But Jones himself was no longer considered an amateur by the USGA by the time Augusta National opened. He never competed for prize money, but his equipment deals and Hollywood instructional short films made him a professional in the eyes of all, except for the eyes of the Masters hierarchy, of which he was a part of.

5. Ahhh…the Green Jacket
   If you just happen to be the winner of the Masters, you get the honor of topping off the standard ensemble with a shamrock green blazer. Professional golf’s version of a beauty queen crowning ceremony, the presenting of the Green Jacket by the previous year’s champion to the current champion at the conclusion of the tournament dates back to 1949, when Sam Snead won the Masters. However, the signature jackets started appearing at Augusta National 12 years prior, when members started sporting them during the tournament so that they would be easily identifiable by patrons in need of assistance or directions. Also, when a member hosts guests in the clubhouse, the green jacket designates who gets the bill. The Masters website has more on the sartorial back story: “The club purchased the Jackets from the Brooks Uniform Company in New York and urged members to buy and wear them at the Masters. Initially, the idea met a lukewarm reception from the membership, for the heft of the coats made them warm to wear during a typical April in Augusta. Within a few years, the Club introduced a lighter-weight version more suited to the season. Today’s single-breasted, single-vent Jacket bears the Club’s logo on the left chest pocket and on the brass buttons adorning the front of the coat and each sleeve. The unmistakable color is known, simply, as Masters Green.” So does the Masters winner get to take home that fetching piece of outerwear? He sure does. After the presentation ceremony, a custom version of the Green Jacket is tailored to the champ’s exact measurements and he gets to call it his own for an entire year. So, to be clear, a single jacket isn’t passed on from winner to winner. During the following year’s tournament, he must return to Augusta National and relinquish the Green Jacket, at which point it’s placed in a locker but available any time he returns to play at the club. Seve Ballesteros famously challenged the decision by saying to the Augusta committee: “If they want it, they can fly to Spain and come and get it.”

6. The Template
   The Masters invented the template for what we know as tournament golf. It was the first 72-hole four-day event and the first to use the over/under par system. The Masters also saw the first grandstands for viewers.

7. Strict But Polite
   The level of respect that the patrons of The Master’s have is only surpassed by their understanding of the game. It is awesome to witness. In the 10+ years I have been to this tournament, I have never seen a single spectator get out of line, say something in appropriate or make a scene. It is as if everyone has collectively agreed to be on their best behavior. There is no need for marshals to hold “Quiet Please” signs because everyone respects the tournament so much. As mentioned earlier, they are not fans, they are not a crowd or even a gallery. They are patrons. You’ll hear it often during the CBS broadcast. Also, while on the grounds, patrons are told not to run. Walking only. If you watch any pro tournament, behind the golfers you’ll see a cadre of sign-bearers, reporters, photographers, broadcast personnel and cameramen. Not at Augusta. Between the ropes, competitors, caddies and rules officials only. Patrons who show up early and place their chairs and leave will find their chairs waiting for them when they return. Try that at any other PGA event and let me know what happens More than 40 years ago, during one tense moment, CBS commentator Jack Whitaker used the term “mob” to describe the scene around a green. The Masters leadership let his bosses know that he wouldn’t be invited back, and he wasn’t.

8. Value
   It’s one of the best-kept numbers in sports—the initiation fee to Augusta National. With barons like Warren Buffett and Bill Gates, among others, as members it goes without saying that money isn’t the object. And it isn’t. To join is reportedly under $100,000, which might be one-tenth of other high profile clubs in the country. And if you were lucky enough to play the course with a member, you can probably afford it. Guest fees are said to be about $40.

9. The Reagan Appointment
   On October 23, 1983, President Ronald Reagan was playing at Augusta National as a guest of his secretary of state (and club member) George Schultz when his round was interrupted at the 16th hole by a disgruntled local named Charles Harris, who had crashed his truck through the gate and was demanding to see the President. Harris held hostages at gunpoint in the pro shop for two hours before Secret Service agents subdued him.

10. Clifford Roberts’ Demise
    Augusta National’s co-founder Clifford Roberts, a quiet investor turned autocrat, was at turns beloved and despised. In the fall of 1977, at age 83 and in failing health, Roberts walked to a slope next to Ike’s Pond and ended his own life with a single pistol shot to the temple.

11. The Crow’s Nest
    Located above the main clubhouse at Augusta, this is where the amateurs stay for the Masters week. Bobby Jones spawned the idea and the rest is quite literally history, lots of it. Eight youngsters who stayed in this infamous bedroom and gone on to win the green jacket; Nicklaus, Aaron, Watson, Crenshaw, Stadler, O’Meara, Mickelson and Woods – that’s quite a list. There are four beds, a bathroom and a living area which is lined with paintings of historical moments at the Masters and books about the history of the game.

12. Sweet Georgia Peaches
    The history of Augusta is much more than golf; it was once home to Fruitland Nurseries. Owned and operated by P.J. Berckmans and his family the nursery was one of the most successful horticultural sites of its time in the South. Located on Washington Road, approximately 3 miles northwest of downtown Augusta, Fruitland planted millions of peach trees in the 1800s and early 1900s and made Georgia famous for its sweet Georgia peaches. In 1931, the land was purchased and transformed into the most famous golf course in the world, Augusta National. The Berckmans’ family home still remains on the Augusta National property and serves as the clubhouse.

• If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.
• I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they’re flashing behind you.
• Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
• I changed my password to “incorrect” so whenever I forget it the computer will say, “Your password is incorrect.”
• Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
• I’m great at multi-tasking–I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
• If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
• Never tell your problems to anyone, because 20 percent don’t care and the other 80 percent are glad you have them.
• Doesn’t expecting the unexpected mean that the unexpected is actually expected?
• Take my advice — I’m not using it.
• My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.
• I hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound perspicacious.
• Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they’re at home when you wish they were.
• Television may insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
• I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago and so far all it’s been doing is gathering dust.
• Every time someone comes up with a foolproof solution, along comes a more-talented fool.
• I’ll bet you $4,567 you can’t guess how much I owe my bookie.
• Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
• If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.
• A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.