Do Las Vegas churches accept gambling chips? This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas but there are more catholic churches than casinos. Not surprisingly, some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.

Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings. The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in. This is done by the chip monks.

You didn’t even see this coming did you?

Spread the Smiles

Only in   America…….do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
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Only in   America……do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
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Only in America…..do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
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Only in   America…..do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
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Only in   America…….do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
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Only in   America……do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
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EVER WONDER ….

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin
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Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed?________________________________

Why don’t you ever see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?________________________________

Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?
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Why is it that doctors call what they do ‘practice’
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Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
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Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?________________________________

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?________________________________

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?
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Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
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Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections
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You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
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Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
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Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?________________________________

I like this one!!!

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?________________________________

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?________________________________

Jan, Sue and Mary haven’t seen each other since high school.

They rediscover each other via a reunion website and arrange to meet for lunch in a wine bar.

Jan arrives first, wearing a beige Versace. She orders a bottle of Pinot Grigio.

Sue arrives shortly afterward, in gray Chanel. After the required ritualized kisses she joins Jan in a glass of wine.

Then Mary walks in, wearing a faded old tee-shirt, blue jeans and boots. She too shares the wine.

Jan explains that after leaving high school and graduating from Princeton in Classics, she met and married Timothy, with whom she has a beautiful daughter. Timothy is a partner in one of New York’s leading law firms. They live in a 4000 sq ft co-op on Fifth Avenue, where Susanna, the daughter, attends drama school. They have a second home in Phoenix.

Sue relates that she graduated from Harvard Med School and became a surgeon. Her husband, Clive is a leading Wall Street investment banker. They live in Southampton on Long Island and have a second home in Naples, Florida.

Mary explains that she left school at 17 and ran off with her boyfriend, Jim. They run a tropical bird park in Kansas and grow their own vegetables. Jim can stand five parrots, side by side, on his penis.

Halfway down the third bottle of wine and several hours later, Jan blurts out that her husband is really a cashier at Wal-Mart. They live in a small apartment in Brooklyn and have a travel trailer parked at a nearby storage facility.

Sue, chastened and encouraged by her old friend’s honesty, explains that she and Clive are both nurses’ aides in a retirement home. They live in Jersey City and take vacation camping trips to Alabama.

Mary admits that the fifth parrot has to stand on one leg.

Ole and Lars are walking down a street in Minocqua WI, when they see a sign on a store that reads, “suits $5.00 each, shirts $2.00 each, and trousers $2.50 per pair.”

Ole says to his pal Lars, “Looky here! We could buy a whole gob of dese, take ’em back at Dulute, sell ’em to our friends, ‘n make a fortune.  Now when we go in der, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do DA talkin cuz if dey hear yur accent, dey might tink we’re ignorant ‘n try to cheat us.  No way, dey’ll know we’re from Minnesota.

They go in and Ole says with his best “Wisconsin” accent, “I’ll take 50 of those suits at $5.00 each, 100 of those shirts at $2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at $2.50 each.  I’ll back up my pickup and..”

The owner of the shop interrupts, “You’re from Minnesota, ain’t you?” 

“Vell…yeah,” says a surprised Ole. “How’d ya know dat?”

“Because this is a Dry Cleaners…”

Just bought this coffee maker, used to be owned by Blair Walsh.

I called “Dial-A-Prayer For Atheists”… No one answered.

The younger generation may not know it but at one time Willie Nelson was songwriter of the year. Such songs as “Hello Wall”, “Crazy” sung by Patsy Cline. “Funny how Time Slips Away” & a host of other favorites. He is also a well-recognized poet in his own circle of friends.

Whether or not you are a country music fan, these are truly the words of a deep thinker.

So simple, yet so profound! Read the words of wisdom from that famous philosopher, Willie Nelson, iconic country and western singer, on his 80th birthday below his esteemed portrait. Only a man with such wisdom and maturity could be so concise and succinct in phrasing his feelings at this turning point in his life.

Whether or not you are a country music fan, these are truly the words of a deep thinker.

“I’ve outlived my dick.”
A Poem – by Willie Nelson

My nookie days are over,
My pilot light is out.
What used to be my pride and joy,
Is now my water spout.

Time was when, on its own accord,
From my trousers it would spring.
But now I’ve got a full-time job,
To find the friggin thing.

It used to be embarrassing,
The way it would behave.
For every single morning,
It would stand and watch me shave.

Now as old age approaches,
It sure gives me the blues.
To see it hang its little head,
And watch me tie my shoes!

A Breakfast Cereal of Mystical Power?

I Think I Will Stick With Cheerios!

Cowboy Logic