No matter what our kids and the new generation think 
about us, WE ARE AWESOME !!! OUR Lives are LIVING PROOF !!!

To Those of Us 
Born 1925 – 
1970: At the end of this email is 
a quote of the month by Jay Leno. If you don’t read anything else, pleaser read what he said. Very well stated, Mr. Leno.

~~~~~~~~~

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED 
THE 1930s, ’40s, ’50s, ’60s and 
’70s!!

First, we survived being 
born to mothers who may have smoked and/or 
drank while they were 
pregnant.

They took aspirin, ate blue 
cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn’t get tested for 
diabetes.

Then, after that trauma, we 
were put to sleep on our 
tummies in baby cribs 
covered with bright colored 
lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on 
medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets, and, when we rode our bikes, we had baseball 
caps, not helmets, on our 
heads.

As infants and children, we 
would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat 
belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes.

Riding in the back of a 
pick-up truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the 
garden hose and not from a 
bottle.

We shared one soft drink 
with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white 
bread, real butter, and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar. And we weren’t 
overweight. WHY? Because we were always 
outside playing…that’s why!

We would leave home in the 
morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the 
streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us 
all day.–And, we were 
OKAY.

We would spend hours 
building our go-carts out of 
scraps and then ride them down the hill, only to find out we forgot 
the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Play 
Stations, Nintendo’s and X-boxes. There were no video games, no 150 
channels on cable, no video movies or 
DVD’s, no surround-sound or 
CDs, no cell 
phones, no personal 
computers, no Internet and no chat 
rooms. WE HAD 
FRIENDS and we went outside and 
found them!

We fell out of trees, got 
cut, broke bones and 
teeth, and there were no 
lawsuits from those accidents.

We would get spankings with wooden spoons, switches, 
ping-pong paddles, or just a bare hand, and no one would call child services to report abuse.

We ate worms, and mud 
pies made from dirt, 
and the worms did not live in us 
forever.

We were given BB guns for 
our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls, and-although we were told it 
would happen- we did not put out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a 
friend’s house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just 
walked in and talked to them.

Little League had 
tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn’t had to 
learn to deal with 
disappointment. Imagine 
that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the 
law was unheard of. They actually sided with the 
law!

These generations have 
produced some of the 
best risk-takers, problem solvers, and 
inventors ever.

The past 50 to 85 years have 
seen an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, 
success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.

If YOU are one of those 
born between 1925-1970, 
CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this 
with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good.

While you are at it, forward 
it to your kids, so they will know how brave and lucky their 
parents were.

Kind of makes you want to 
run through the house with scissors, doesn’t it 
?

~~~~~~~

The quote of the 
month by Jay Leno:
“With hurricanes, tornados, 
fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms 
tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the 
threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a 
good time to take God out of the Pledge of 
Allegiance?”

For those that prefer to 
think that God is not watching over us…go ahead and delete 
this. Otherwise, feel free to forward.

MONDAY

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex… Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms. Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the mother told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms. The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying, ‘Oh Mom! You don’t have to worry about that! I’m dating Susan!’

TUESDAY

A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher’s hand. He said, ‘Preacher, I’ll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!’ The preacher said, ‘Thank you sir, but I’d rather you didn’t use profanity.’ The man said, ‘I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!’ The preacher said, ‘No shit?’

WEDNESDAY

Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor. With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis. After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, ‘Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.’ The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table. ‘Gee, Mom,’ he exclaimed, ‘for me?’ ‘Just take two,’ Brenda replied. ‘The rest are for your father.’

THURSDAY

One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly. Brought before the court on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense. Your Honor,’ she began coolly, ‘I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly.’

FRIDAY

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. ‘The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?’ After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, ‘Wedding Cake.’

SATURDAY

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone’s socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, ‘Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?’ Bob replies, Girlfriend? She’s my wife!’ They are knocked over, but continue to ask. ‘So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?’ ‘I lied about my age,’ Bob replies. ‘What, did you tell her you were only 50?’ Bob smiles and says, ‘No, I told her I was 90.’

SUNDAY

Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Switzerland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat’s milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. ‘These,’ she explained, ‘are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.’ She then asked, ‘What do you do in America with your old goats?’ A spry old gentleman answered, ‘They send us on bus tours!’

P R I C E L E S S      I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 82)   We decided to grab a bite at the food court.  I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.    The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors – green,   red, Orange, and blue.  My dad kept staring at her.    The teenager kept looking and would find my dad staring every time..    When the teenager had had enough, she sarcastically asked: “What’s the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?”    Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; I knew he would have a good one!    In classic style he responded without batting an eyelid ….  “Got stoned once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you might be my kid.”

Edited with BlogPad Pro

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n. Female…. Any part under a car’s hood. – Male….. The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female…. Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another. – Male…. Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n . Female… The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner. – Male… Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko- mit-me nt) n. Female…. A desire to get married and raise a family.! – Male…… Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. Female…. A good movie, concert, play or book. – Male….. Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. Female…. An embarrassing by-product of indigestion. – Male…… A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n. Female…… The greatest _expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. – Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. Female…. A device for changing from one TV channel to another. – Male… A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

AND:

He said. I don’t know why you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to put in it. – She said. You wear pants don’t you?

He said. Shall we try swapping positions tonight? – She said. That’s a good idea – you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said. What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? – She said. Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? – She said. We don’t know; it has never happened.

He said. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking? – She said. They already have boyfriends.

He said. Why are married women heavier than single women? – She said. Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.

SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE GUYS YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT

Ole vas vorking at the fish plant up nort in Dulut vhen he accidentally cut off all ten of his finkers.

He vent to da emergency room in the Clinik and vhen he got dar da Norsky doctor looked at Ole and said, “Let’s have da finkers and I’ll see vhat I can do.”

Ole said, “I haven’t got da finkers.”

“Vhat do you mean, you hafen’t got da finkers?” he said. “Lord-it’s 2015 and Ive’s got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could hafe put dem back on and made you like new! Vhy didn’t you brink da finkers?”

Ole says, “How da fock vas I suppose to pick dem up?

A guy is driving around the back woods of  Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: ‘Talking Dog For Sale’.  He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.  ‘You talk?’ he asks.

‘Yep’, the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says, ‘So, what’s your story?’ 

The Lab looks up and says, ‘Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young.  I wanted to help the government, so… I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.’  

‘I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down.  I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.’  ‘I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.’ 

The guy is amazed.  He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

‘Ten dollars’, the guy says.

‘Ten dollars?   This dog is amazing!  Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?’ 

‘Because he’s a Bullshitter.  He’s never been out of the yard.’ 

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This is the best one in a long time!   In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men’s restroom, but it had always been occupied.   A nurse noticed his predicament.

Sir, she said ‘ You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall.’      

He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch.   Each button was identified by letters: WW , WA , PP, and a red one labeled ATR.  Who would know if he touched them?      

He couldn’t resist.. He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom.  What a nice feeling, he thought. Men’s restrooms don’t have nice things like this.      

Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.

When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure.  

When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn’t wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.   Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him.

‘What happened?’ he exclaimed. The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button.      

‘The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover.  Your penis is under your pillow.’  

MEN NEVER LISTEN      

It takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, Fed X pilots fill out a form, called a ‘gripe sheet,’ which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Fed X pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet-per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground..

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF is always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the last one…

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.

It takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, Fed X pilots fill out a form, called a ‘gripe sheet,’ which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Fed X pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet-per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground..
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF is always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
*
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P:Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the last one…
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.

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