Here’s another trick of Doctor Dementia to test your skills. Can you meet this challenge?

I’ve seen this with the letters out of order, but this is the first time I’ve seen it with numbers. Good example of a Brain Study: If you can read this OUT LOUD you have a strong mind. And better than that: Alzheimer’s is a long long, way down the road before it ever gets anywhere near you.

7H15                    M3554G3

53RV35                    7O PR0V3

H0W                    0UR M1ND5 C4N

D0                    4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5!

1MPR3551V3                    7H1NG5!

1N                    7H3 B3G1NN1NG

17                    WA5 H4RD BU7

N0W,                    0N 7H15 LIN3

Y0UR                    M1ND 1S

R34D1NG 17

4U70M471C4LLY

W17H                    0U7 3V3N

7H1NK1NG                    4B0U7 17,

B3  PROUD! 0NLY

C3R741N                    P30PL3 C4N

R3AD                    7H15.

PL3453                    F0RW4RD 1F

U                     C4N R34D 7H15.

To my ‘selected’ strange-minded friends: If you can read the following paragraph, forward it on to your friends with ‘yes’ in the subject line. Only great minds can read this. This is weird, but interesting!

Only 55 people out of 100 can.

I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseaethe huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! If you can raed this forwrad it.

Leroy went to the (Pick The School – Your Choice) on an athletic scholarship (Pick The Sport – Your Choice). He was a great player but a poor student.

Come graduation day, Leroy didn’t have enough credits. But he was a great athletic star and the students held a rally and demanded the dean give him a diploma anyway.

They were so insistent that the dean agreed if Leroy could answer one question correctly he would give him a diploma.

The one question test was held in the auditorium and all the students packed the place. It was standing room only.

The dean was on the stage and told Leroy to come up. The dean had the diploma in his hand and said, “Leroy, if you can answer this question correctly I’ll give you your diploma.”

Leroy said he was ready and the dean asked him the question. “Leroy,” he said, “How much is three times seven?”

Leroy looked up at the ceiling and the down at his shoes, just pondering the question.

The students began chanting, “Graduate him anyway! Graduate him anyway!”

Then Leroy held up his hand and the auditorium became silent.

Leroy said, “I think I know the answer. Three times seven is twenty-one.”

A hush fell over the auditorium and then the (Once Again – Pick The School) students began another chant. “Give him another chance!  Give him another chance!”

The past few days found me on a book reading bent and in that period I consumed three very different but equally satisfying reads. The first is somewhat an anomaly for me in that it is the second time I’ve read the book, something I very rarely do. A Nasty Bit of Rough was written by David Feherty and is without a doubt the funniest book I have ever read. The first time I read the book I was on an airplane and was laughing so hard I suspect those around me undoubtedly thought I was a little daft – in all candor that is probably not the first time someone has come to that conclusion about the your’s truly. That first reading was in 2002 or 2003. After reading the book I loaned the it to someone and is often the case the book never found it’s way home. The book is now again available on Amazon in both paperback and Kindle format so I couldn’t resist and downloaded it. The setting for the book is the Scrought’s Wood Golf Club an exclusive – only nine members – golf club on the border between England and Scotland and their centuries long rivalry with the McGregor’s Tay Club. Both clubs claim to be the birthplace of golf and say there are only two rules in golf “Play The Course As You Find It and The Ball As It Lies”. The second of those plays a major part in the final match. The story takes the reader through two matches, one at each club, and the outrages goings on. I give you a little hint – one of the holes on the Tay Club has a par 30 – not a misprint – hole. Read and enjoy. Next up is the latest Stone Barrington adventure by Stuart Woods – Carnal Curiosity. Those who have followed the adventures, and misadventures, of Barrington through the fairly lengthy series will find the latest installment equally satisfying. For those new to this series Barrington began as New York Police detective with a law degree morphed through a burgeoning single practice and on to a partnership in the most prestigious law firm. Along the way he has lived a charmed life filled with beautiful women, substantial wealth and an eclectic range of supporting characters. In Carnal Curiosity Barrington and his best friend, and previous partner at NYPD, now Chief of Detectives Dino Bacchetti, are working on solving a number of high profile, and high dollar, jewelry and art heists, one from Barrington’s house. Reading all or some of the earlier books will help with a number of the other characters but it is not necessary to your enjoyment of this one.

The last book Greg Gutfeld’s Not Cool – The Hipster Elite And Their War On You, doesn’t come close to the first two in that rather than being pure entertainment it is highly thought provoking. Fair warning Gutfeld, a regular on The Five and host of Red Eye both on Fox News, is a libertarian. That said his tracing of how what once was cool has morphed to uncool and uncool to cool should resonate with most. Gutfeld is at times acerbic and irreverent but you will never get confused about his message. To provide a taste of what you can expect, Gutfeld examines Rolling Stone’s decision to put the Boston Marathon bomber’s picture on the cover and essentially romanticize the perpetrator rather than examining the impact on the victims. I found the book well worth the time investment and highly recommend that you give it a look.

That’s it for now. If you decide to read any of the above, let me know what you think.

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is ‘UP.’

It’s easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP?

Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?

We call UP our friends.

And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.

We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.

At other times the little word has real special meaning.

People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary.

In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UPis used.

It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don’t give UP, you may windUP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP.

When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

When it doesn’t rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I’ll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so…….it is time to shut UP

Now it’s UP to you what you do with this email.

Homographs are words of like spelling but with more than one meaning. A homograph that is also pronounced differently is a heteronym.

So, do you think English is easy? Read all the way to the end. This took a lot of work to put together!

• The bandage was wound around the wound.
• The farm was used to produce produce.
• The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
• We must polish the Polish furniture.
• He could lead if he would get the lead out.
• The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
• Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
• A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
• When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
• I did not object to the object.
• The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
• There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
• They were too close to the door to close it.
• The buck does funny things when the does are present.
• A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
• To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
• The wind was too strong for me to wind the sail.
• Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
• I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
• How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let’s face it – English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. – Why doesn’t ‘Buick’ rhyme with ‘quick’?

A woman goes into Cabela’s to buy a rod and reel for her grandson’s birthday. She doesn’t know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.

The clerk was standing behind the counter wearing dark shades. She says to him, “Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?” He says, “Ma’am, I’m completely blind; but if you’ll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.”

She doesn’t believe him but drops it on the counter anyway… He says, “That’s a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. Test line. It’s a good all-around combination, and it’s on sale this week for only $20.00.”

She says, “It’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I’ll take it!” As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor. “Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,” he says. She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts.

At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes……there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was her who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn’t know that she was the only person around?

The man rings up the sale and says, “That’ll be $34.50 please.” The woman is totally confused by this and asks, “Didn’t you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?”He replies, “Yes, ma’am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00, and the Catfish Bait is $3.50.”

She paid it and left without saying a word.

A group of Kentucky second, third, and fourth graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to Churchill Downs, the famous Louisville race track, to see and learn about thoroughbred horses.

When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men’s room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the boys up, one by one, holding onto their “wee-wees” to direct the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one, she couldn’t help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, “You must be in the fourth grade.”

HE REPLIED: “No, ma’am, I’m riding Silver Arrow in the 7th race today.

An old cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Oklahoma, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, “You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time.”

The cowboy replies, “Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona, the other is in Colorado. When we all left our home in Oklahoma, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I’m drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself.”

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss.”

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

“Oh, no, everybody’s just fine,” he explains, “It’s just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking.”

“Hasn’t affected my brothers though.”

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

Squirrel who runs up woman’s leg will not find nuts.

Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.

Man who runs in front of car gets tired, man who runs behind car gets exhausted.

Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.

War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man’s well often catch crabs.

Finally CONFUCIUS DID SAY….. “A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood~~~~~