A husband reluctantly agreed to play in the couples’ alternate shot tournament at his club. He teed off on the first hole, a par four, and blistered a drive 300 yards down the middle of the fairway. Upon reaching the ball, the husband said to his wife, “Just hit it toward the green, anywhere around there will be fine.” His wife proceeded to shank the ball deep into the woods. Undaunted, the husband said, “That’s OK, Sweetheart” and spent the full five minutes looking for the ball. He found it just in time, but in a horrible position. He played the shot of his life to get the ball within two feet of the hole. He told his wife to knock the ball in. His wife then proceeded to take her putter out and knock the ball off the green and into a bunker. Still maintaining composure, the husband summoned all of his skill and holed the shot from the bunker. He took the ball out of the hole and while walking off the green, put his arm around his wife and calmly said, “Honey, that was a bogey five and that’s OK, but I think we can do better.” To which she replied, “Listen asshole, don’t bitch at me, only 2 of those 5 shots were mine.

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t. 


2. I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. 


3. Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them. 


4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.  


5. Don’t take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

6. You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me

7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

9. I’m not a complete idiot — Some parts are just missing.

10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck -is-the-room-spinning medicine.

12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

15. Ever stop to think , and forget to start again?

16. Being ‘over the hill’ is much better than being under it!

17. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.  


18. Procrastinate Now!

19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?  


20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. 


21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.  


22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!  


23. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.  


24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.

25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

26. Ham and eggs… A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig. (how true) 

27. The trouble with life is there’s no back ground music.

28. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson. 


29. I smile because I don’t know what the heck is going on.

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!   
Life is too short and friends are too few!

I dialed a number and got the following recording: “I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes.”

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Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed. He shoots his friend and kills him. Wife says “If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends!”

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A small Boy wrote to Santa Claus,” send me a brother.” Santa wrote back, “SEND ME YOUR MOTHER.”

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What is the definition of Mistress? Someone between the Mister and Mattress.
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What’s the difference between stress, tension and panic?

* Stress is when wife is pregnant,

* Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,

* Panic is when both are pregnant.
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A woman asks man who is traveling with six children, “Are all these kids yours?”*
The man replies, “No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer complaints.”
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A young boy asks his Dad, “What is the difference between confident and confidential?” Dad says, “You are my son, I’m confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that’s confidential.”

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Nominated as the best short joke this year…

A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.
Mom” he asked, “are these my brains?” “Not yet,” she replied.

I sometimes wonder if those in the travel industry think we are that stupid or that we don’t pay attention. A couple of cases on point from our just concluded Hawaii trip. First rental cars. The Base Rate for our rental car was $475.00 but, are you ready, there were the following extra charges; Veh. reg. Fee &Weight Tax $12.10, Concession Recov Fee $52.77, Rent Tax Surcharge $33.00, Customer Facility Chg $49.50 and finally Sales Tax $22.49 for a total in extras of $169.86 or 36% of the Base Rate. Apart from the sales tax who knows what some of those terms mean but I suspect they are for items like rent. But think about it, when you go to the mall and make a purchase the merchant doesn’t give you price and then add on surcharges for things like rent, utilities or other costs. Why can’t the rental car companies quit the charade and tell us up front what it costs. I didn’t name the company as they are all the same.

Now for the resorts – again I will not name the guilty party as they all do the same things.  First we have the “Resort Fee” of $30.00 per day which included $25.00 per day  for self-parking, yes it cost that amount for you to park your car. I was told that valet parking was $30.00 per day and I inquired if that meant an additional $5.00 above the self-parking fee but was told no, valet parking was an additional $30.00 per day or $55.00 per day to park. Hell, you can park in midtown Manhattan for less than that. And of course the valet’s had the closest parking leaving us paying customers to walk the furthest and in some cases upstairs. Now I just have a systemic problem with the “Resort Fee” concept. It seems to me that the basic items covered by this fee – like parking – should be included in the base room rent.  Once again tell us what it costs and quit thinking that we are too stupid to figure out that things like the “Resort Fee” are just an additional rent. Oh, by the way I am Lifetime Platinum with this entity so did not have to pay it but Internet access was an additional $14.95 per day. No wonder guests were sitting by the Starbucks in the complex – Starbucks had free Wi-Fi access.

So there you have it – someone bitching about having to spend twelve days in Hawaii. No, the golf was great, the weather was perfect and as I write this I am in my normal mild depression – happens every time I leave paradise. So Maybe I am being a little picky if so let me know.

As noted in early posts I am a fan of William Kent Krueger’s writing and his latest offering, Trickster’s Point, is no exception and as a matter of fact it may well be is best yet. This, as all of the Cork O’Connor series have been, is set on the Iron Range in northern Minnesota.  Cork, who is part Ojibway indian and the retired sheriff of Tamarack county, finds himself a suspect in the murder of a friend. Typical of Krueger’s writing one finds a number of interconnections that crisscross each other. Also there are some peeks into Native American culture, not unlike what Tony Hillerman did in his books that were sited in the Four Corners area in the Southwest. By the way if you haven’t read any of Hillerman’s  books do yourself a favor and try one. Hillerman passed away in 2008 but his stories about two Navaho policemen, Jim Chee and Joe Leaphorn, make for enjoyable and intriguing reading.

Back to Trickster’s Point. As Krueger weaves his way through the mystery surrounding Jubal Little’s death a number of other suspects pop up and the story generates interest from the Minnesota Bureau of Criminal Apprehension as the victim is a candidate for Governor. And while Jubal Little is part American Indian a number of his proposals are not popular with the Native American population in Tamarack County which in no part produces some of the other suspects. As the story winds to the end and Cork solves the puzzle what transpires has a twisted logic that resonates with the many interconnections but I doubt you will see it coming.  Highly Recommended!!

Thrice married, thrice divorced and noted for pulling his fishing boat along on official business Virgil Flowers comes back in John Sanford’s new book  “Mad River”. Flowers is an investegator for the Minnesota Bureau of Criminal Apprehension (BCA) and is on the trail of a Bonnie and Clyde type young couple on a terror across Minnesota.  Much to his chagrin, he ends up battling the local authorities almost as much as the targets. His boss, fans will recognize the lead character in Sandford’s Prey series of books, Lucas Davenport – the head of the Minnesota BCA, makes a couple of cameo appearances in this story. As is the case with Sandford’s other work, the story line is well written and the character development is top notch. Highly Recommended.

Stone Barrington is up again in Stuart Woods new offering “Severe Clear”.  Those who have enjoyed previous Barrington exploits will find a real home here.  As is often the case, characters from other Woods’ novels make appearances, in this case CIA Assistant Director Holly Baker tags along.  In this episode Barrington and his entourage are confronted with the possible terrorist attack that if successful would make September 11th look like a picnic.  In Woods’ way everything is a little over the top but that makes the reading even more enjoyable.  Recommended

Now for the disappointment   As you know I am a fan of Lee Child’s Jack Reacher series. So when I saw “Reacher’s Rules” pop up on Amazon I immediately ordered it.  The book is a distillation of the rules that Reacher lives by and many of the entries are directly from different books.  While those entries worked in the context of the overall story most of them  come up a little hollow here.  Some of the entries are amusing and it is an easy read but my recommendation is that you save your money.

Next up on the reading list is William Kent Krueger’s new book Tricksters Point” so you can look for my take on this one shortly. Also looking forward to a new Harry Bosch novel from Michel Connelly due out November 26th.

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it: “Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.” The gas pump, of course, didn’t respond. The younger alien became angry at the lack of response.

The older alien said,  “I’d calm down if I were you.” The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response. Miffed at the pump’s haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said gruffly, “Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader or I will fire!”

The older alien again warned his comrade saying, “You probably don’t want to do that! I really think that will make him mad.” “Rubbish” replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon and opened fire.

There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards him and blew the younger alien off his feet and threw him in a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.

Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head.” What a ferocious creature!” exclaimed the young, fried alien. “He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?”

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, “If there’s one thing I’ve learned during my intergalactic travels, you never mess with a guy who can loop his penis over his shoulder twice and then stick it in his ear.”

Thanks to Jon for this item.  The new header is looking from our patio here in Hawaii.

This is a letter from a “former” golfer who no longer can play, but who has reflected on his years in golf and would like the rest of us to think about how we approach the game.

Dear Younger Me:

I can’t play golf anymore. I tried to swing the club the other day, but my body wouldn’t cooperate. The best I can do now is sometimes take walks on the course, but my eyes aren’t as good as they used to be so I don’t see much. I have a lot of time to sit and think now, and I often think about the game.*

It was my favorite game. I played most of my adult life. Thousands of rounds, thousands of hours practicing. As I look back, I guess I had a pretty good time at it. But now that I can’t do it anymore, I wish I had done it differently.*

It’s funny, but with all the time I spent playing golf, I never thought I was a real golfer. I never felt good enough to really belong out there. It doesn’t make much sense, since I scored better than average and a lot of people envied my game, but I always felt that if I was just a little better or a little more consistent, then I’d feel really good. I’d be satisfied with my game. But I never was. It was always “One of these days I’ll get it” or “One day I’ll get there” and now here I am. I can’t play anymore, and I never got there.*

I met a whole lot of different people out on the course. That was one of the best things about the game. But aside from my regular partners and a few others, I don’t feel like I got to know many of those people very well. I know they didn’t really get to know me. At times they probably didn’t want to. I was pretty occupied with my own game most of the time and didn’t have much time for anyone else, especially if I wasn’t playing well.*

So why am I writing you this letter anyway, just to complain? Not really. Like I said, my golfing experience wasn’t that bad. But it could have been so much better, and I see that so clearly now. I want to tell you, so you can learn from it. I don’t want you getting to my age and feeling the same regrets I’m feeling now.*

I wish, I wish. Sad words, I suppose, but necessary. I wish I could have played the game with more joy, more freedom. I was always so concerned with “doing it right” that I never seemed to be able to enjoy just doing it at all. I was so hard on myself, never satisfied, always expecting more. Who was I trying to please? Certainly not myself, because I never did. If there were people whose opinions were important enough to justify all that self-criticism, I never met them.*

I wish I could have been a better playing partner. I wasn’t a bad person to be with, really, but I wish I had been friendlier and gotten to know people better. I wish I could have laughed and joked more and given people more encouragement. I probably would have gotten more from them, and I would have loved that. There were a few bad apples over the years, but most of the people I played with were friendly, polite, and sincere. They really just wanted to make friends and have a good time. I wish I could have made more friends and had a better time.*

I’m inside a lot now and I miss the beauty of the outdoors. For years when I was golfing I walked through some of the most beautiful places on earth, and yet I don’t feel I really saw them. Beautiful landscapes, trees, flowers, animals, the sky, and the ocean – how could I have missed so much? What was I thinking of that was so important – my grip, my back swing, my stance? Sure, I needed to think about those sometimes, but so often as to be oblivious to so much beauty? And all the green – the wonderful, deep, lush color of green! My eyes are starting to fail. I wish I had used them better so I would have more vivid memories now.*

So what is it that I’m trying to say? I played the type of game that I thought I should play, to please the type of people that I thought I should please. But it didn’t work. My game was mine to play, but I gave it away.

It’s a wonderful game. Please, don’t lose yours. Play a game that you want to play. Play a game that gives you joy and satisfaction and makes you a better person to your family and friends. Play with enthusiasm, play with freedom. Appreciate the beauty of nature and the people around you. Realize how lucky you are to be able to do it. All too soon your time will be up, and you won’t be able to play anymore. Play a game that enriches your life.

Best wishes . . .. don’t waste a minute of golf . . . someday it will be gone!*

In 2010 Arizona voters approved a temporary 1% increase in the sales tax with a sunset date of May 31, 2013. Well guess what, Arizonians now have a Proposition on the November ballot to make that 1% increase permanent. I really do not think that politicians, either side of the aisle, can help themselves. One would reasonably expect that a temporary tax would be the bridge that allows our elected representatives to get the spending in order but it never seems to work that way. Evidently “Temporary Tax” is an oxymoron, like Jumbo Shrimp or  I am from the IRS and here to help you. If one has the temerity to question the wisdom of this you are accused of being against everything up to and including motherhood and apple pie. Rather than codifying a tax increase let them make the case and do the appropriation for each period not make it permanent.

Thanks to Fran for today’s travelogue.

I have been in many places, but I’ve never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can’t go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I’ve also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don’t have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I’m not too much on physical activity anymore

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

I’ve been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I’m in Capable, and I go there more often as I’m getting older.

I may have been in Continent, but I don’t remember what country I was in. It’s an age thing.