Today’s post is defiantly a departure from my normal posts – two reasons; one it is not humor and two the centerpiece is a video. I truly want to thank Keith for bringing this to my attention yesterday and feel it is most fitting for today.

Most will probably recognize the song, Amazing Grace, even though it is sung in Catalan. Catalan is a Romance language like Spanish but is not a subset of Spanish itself. In fact, Catalan as a language is closer to French and Italian than Spanish or Portuguese. In Catalonia, this difference is most notably felt outside Barcelona as Catalan is the main language spoken on a daily basis. The artist is Spanish singer Mónica Naranjo and the setting is the Sacred Family Basilica, in Barcelona Spain. Enjoy and Happy Easter!

“Last year we couldn’t win at home and we were losing on the road. My failure as a coach was that I couldn’t think of anyplace else to play. – Harry Neale, professional hockey coach

“Blind people come to the ballpark just to listen to him pitch.” – Reggie Jackson commenting on Tom Seaver

“I’m working as hard as I can to get my life and my cash to run out at the same time. If I can just die after lunch Tuesday, everything will be perfect.” – Doug Sanders, professional golfer

“All the fat guys watch me and say to their wives, ‘See, there’s a fat guy doing okay. Bring me another beer.'” – Mickey Lolich, Detroit Tigers Pitcher

“When it’s third and ten, you can have the milk drinkers; I’ll take the whiskey drinkers every time.” – Max McGee, Green Bay Packers receiver

“I found out that it’s not good to talk about my troubles. Eighty percent of the people who hear them don’t care and the other twenty percent are glad you’re having them.” – Tommy LaSorda, LA Dodgers manager

“My knees look like they lost a knife fight with a midget.” – E.J. Holub, Kansas City Chiefs linebacker regarding his 12 knee operations

“My theory is that if you buy an ice-cream cone and make it hit your mouth, you can learn to play tennis. If you stick it on your forehead, your chances aren’t as good.” – Vic Braden, tennis instructor

“When they operated, I told them to add in a Koufax fastball. They did but unfortunately it twas Mrs. Koufax’s.” – Tommy John N.Y. Yankees, recalling his 1974 arm surger

“I don’t know. I only played there for nine years.” – Walt Garrison, Dallas Cowboys fullback when asked if Tom Landry ever smiles

“We were tipping off our plays. Whenever we broke from the huddle, three backs were laughing and one was pale as a ghost.” – John Breen, Houston Oilers

“The film looks suspiciously like the game itself.” – Bum Phillips, New Orleans Saints, after viewing a lopsided loss to the Atlanta Falcons

“When I’m on the road, my greatest ambition is to get a standing boo.” – Al Hrabosky, major league relief pitcher

“I have discovered in 20 years of moving around the ball park, that the knowledge of the game is usually in inverse proportion to the price of the seats.” – Bill Veeck, Chicago White Sox owner

“Because if it didn’t work out, I didn’t want to blow the whole day.” – Paul Horning, Green Bay Packers running back on why his marriage ceremony was before noon.

“I have a lifetime contract. That means I can’t be fired during the third quarter if we’re ahead and moving the ball.” – Lou Holtz ,Arkansas football coach

“I won’t know until my barber tells me on Monday.” – Knute Rockne, when asked why Notre Dame had lost a game

“I tell him ‘Attaway to hit, George.'” – Jim Frey, K.C. Royals manager when asked what advice he gives George Brett on hitting

“I learned a long time ago that ‘minor surgery’ is when they do the operation on someone else, not you.” – Bill Walton, Portland Trial Blazers

“Our biggest concern this season will be diaper rash.” – George MacIntyre, Vanderbilt football coach surveying the team roster that included 26 freshmen and 25 sophomores.

“The only difference between me and General Custer is that I have to watch the films on Sunday.” – Rick Venturi, Northwestern football coach

Thought you might find this interesting.  What they didn’t mention in this article is that CBS made the investment years ago to bury all the media cable used to film and broadcast the Masters, so what you don’t see is the unsightly mess of cables laced all over the course as in most tournaments.

Masters Tournament Quirks.

Maybe things you knew about Augusta and maybe some you didn’t. In 1934 Bobby Jones requested the USGA to host the US Open at Augusta. The USGA said no.  Angry at the rebuff. Bobby Jones and Clifford Roberts decided to have their own event, which became the Masters. The Masters is not a Championship of anything.  “You are the winner of the Masters”.  

The Masters is one of the most unusual events in sports. It’s all about tradition, and it’s defined by a set of odd rules and customs that just don’t exist outside of Augusta National. It’s great. We compiled the oddest traditions that make the Masters and Augusta one of a kind. 

Food prices are ridiculously low. 

Tipping is banned. 

Cell phones are prohibited at all times and cameras are not permitted during the tournament. 

It’s one of the only places in the U.S. where there are long lines for payphones. 

There’s a huge fence around the course to keep out animals. There has been one deer sighting in the last 65 years.  

Only four minutes of commercials per hour are allowed during the broadcast and no blimps are allowed. 

TV commentators are not allowed to refer to fans as “fans” or “spectators” They are to be called “patrons,” and the rough is to be referred to as the “second cut.” 

The Masters banned CBS broadcaster Gary McCord in 1995 for saying, “They don’t cut the greens here at Augusta, they use bikini wax.” 

Players had to use local caddies provided by Augusta until 1983. 

Players are allowed to use their own caddies now, but they have to wear the Augusta uniform — green hat, white jumpsuit. 

Like many golf courses, there is good fishing at Augusta National, but the players don’t like to talk about it because it is forbidden.  

In 2011, Monte Burke of Forbes interviewed golfers about the best fishing spots on the PGA Tour . When Augusta was brought up, he described their responses as “squeamish” and they only admitted to hearing there were some good spots.  A former caddie was willing to tell Burke that the best spots are the creek in front of the 12th hole (“full of bream”; seen above) and the pond at the 16th hole (“brimming with bass”). 

Fans, oops, we mean patrons, aren’t allowed to wear their hats backwards.

Patrons can bring collapsible chairs to sit on, but those chairs are not allowed to have armrests. 

Running is not allowed, unless you are a player. 

Grounds crew members used to wear hard hats. 

There is an odd myth that the grounds crew at Augusta packs the azalea plants with ice if spring comes early. The idea is that this will keep the plants from flowering too soon before the tournament. 

There is a house located in the middle of the Augusta National parking lot because the owners refuse to sell it. The family has reportedly turned down “millions.” 

You can’t apply to become a member at Augusta.  It’s nearly impossible to become a member at Augusta.  You have to be nominated by a current Augusta member, and new initiations generally aren’t accepted unless someone quits or dies. The total membership hovers around 300. 

Augusta is closed in the summer to keep the course in pristine shape.  Even the press conference podium is immaculate. 

Players are given a brand-new Mercedes for use during the week. 

Golf cart drivers who are hired to drive the players around Augusta National also pick up the golfers at the airport in the Mercedes they will be using. The cars also have a number in the back window so that employees can always identify the players by which car they are in. 

You can go to jail for selling tickets.  Twenty-four people were arrested outside Augusta in 2012 for trying to scalp tickets. The course is insane about who it lets into the tournament and it’s illegal to sell tickets within 2,700 feet of the gates. 

You can only ask for autographs in one part of the course.  Fans always line the ropes at big tournaments in hopes of getting a signature. But this is tougher to do at Augusta. You can only try and solicit an autograph on the Washington Roadside of the clubhouse, near the practice facilities. 

The bunkers at Augusta are filled with mining waste.  You know those pristine white bunkers? They’re actually composed of waste product from the mining of aluminum, according to Golf.com Basically, there’s a company that mines feldspar (rocks) for aluminum. This process produces waste in the form of really bright, pure quartz and that’s what Augusta uses.

It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
Written in the dust on the back of a bus, Wickenburg, AZ

Fighting for peace is a oxymoron.
The Bayou, Baton Rouge, LA

No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap.
Men’ s Room Linda’s Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, NC

Make love, not war. Hell, do both…GET MARRIED!
Women’s restroom, The Filling Station, Bozeman, MT

If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
Revolution Books, New York, New York

If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Congress!
Men’s restroom House of Representatives, Washington, DC

Express Lane: Five beers or less.
Sign over one of the urinals Ed Debevic’s, Phoenix, AZ

You’re too good for him.
Sign over mirror in Women’s restroom, Ed Debevic’s, Beverly Hills, CA

No wonder you always go home alone.
Sign over mirror in Men’s restroom, Ed Debevic’s, Beverly Hills, CA

~~ and perhaps the most realistic one ~~

A Woman’s Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you’re going to have trouble with it.
Women’s restroom, Dick’s Last Resort, Dallas, TX

A corollary to the above. 

If it’s got tits or tires, you’re gonna have problems with it.
From a retired pilot.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

______________________________ __

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die…

_____________________________

 …AND MY FAVORITE

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You’re next.”

They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

_____________________________

Who says you can’t have it all. The two pictures below were taken, today April 4th in Plymouth Minnesota, at 1:00 pm. The temperature was in the low thirties and a small thunderstorm came through. Lighting, thunder and the precipitation in the pictures is not snow it is HAIL.

Golf balls are like eggs – they’re white, they’re sold by the dozen,
and a week later you have to buy more.

It’s amazing how a golfer who never helps with house or yard work
will replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.

Did you ever notice that it’s a lot easier to get up at 6:00 a.m. to
play golf than at 10:00 to go to church?

It takes longer to become good at golf than it does brain surgery.
On the other hand, you seldom get to ride around in a cart, drink
beer and eat hot dogs while performing brain surgery.

A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game.

A good golf partner is one who’s slightly worse than you.

The rake is always in the other trap.

If there’s a storm rolling in, you’ll be having the game of your life.

If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight.

Golf appeals to the child in all of us. This is proven by our frequent inability to count past the number 5.

It’s easy to keep your ball in the fairway, if you don’t care which fairway.

If profanity had any influence on the flight of a ball, most everyone
would play better.

The greatest sound in golf is the “Whoosh, Whoosh, Whoosh” of your opponent’s club as he hurls it across the fairway.

A recent survey shows that of all jobs, caddies live the longest. They get plenty of fresh air and exercise, and if there’s ever a medical emergency, a doctor is always nearby.

It’s difficult to decide which is more stressful – hitting 3 off the
tee or lining up your 4th putt.

With practice and strength training you can easily get more distance off your shank.

The only sure way to get a par is to leave a 4 foot birdie putt 2
inches from the hole.

Nothing straightens out a nasty slice like a sharp dogleg to the right.

Golden Rule: Never wash your ball on the tee of a water hole.

No matter how badly you are playing, it’s always possible to get worse.

I was in my back yard trying to launch a kite.

I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth.  I tried this a few more times with no success.

All the while, my wife May is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.

She opens the window and yelled to me, ‘You need a piece of tail.’

I turned with a confused look on my face and said, ‘Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.’

I mowed the lawn today. Then I sat down, took a break and had a cold beer.

The day was really quite beautiful and the suds inspired me to some deep thinking.

My wife came outside for a moment and asked what I was doing. “Nothing,” I answered.

She then said, “That’s what you did yesterday” to which I replied, “I wasn’t done.”

The reason I said “nothing” instead of saying “just thinking” is because she then would have asked, “About what?”

At that point, I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics. Had I said that, it would have led to other questions.

Alone again, I pondered an age-old question:

Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?

Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts. But how would they know?

Well, after another ice-cold beer and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the final answer to that question.

I am now certain that getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby.

This is the reason I reached that conclusion: A year or so after giving birth, a young woman will often say: “It might be nice to have another child.”

On the other hand, I bet you never heard a guy say: “You know, I think I would like to get kicked in the nuts.”

Time for another beer and then maybe a nap.