A giant ship’s engine broke down and no one could repair it, so they took it to a Mechanical Engineer with over 40 years of experience.

He inspected the engine very carefully, from top to bottom. After seeing everything, the engineer unloaded the bag and pulled out a small hammer.

He knocked something gently. Soon, the engine came to life again. The engine has been fixed!

7 days later the engineer mentioned that the total cost of repairing the giant ship was $ 10,000 to the ship owner

“What ?!” said the owner.

“You did almost nothing. Give us a detailed bill.”

The answer is simple:

Tap with a hammer: $ 2

Know where to knock & how much to knock: $ 9,998

Lessons to Learn

The importance of appreciating one’s expertise and experience … Until

The words “it’s easy” and “that’s all”, should be set aside. Why? Because maybe the experience is the result of struggles, experiments and even tears.

Like the picture above:

If i do a job in 30 minutes it’s because i spent 10 years learning how to do that in 30 minutes. You owe me for the years, not the minutes.

(If I can finish a job in 30 minutes, it’s because I spent 10 years learning how to do it in 30 minutes. You paid me for those 10 years, not 30 minutes).

This sentence reminds me of someone’s advice on respecting and wisely respecting the work of others.

There I also learned to see people …

When they do not respect others, at the same time he has humbled himself.

Expertise and experience, that’s expensive.

Unfortunately, our people still look down on that.

Every box of raisins is a tragic tale of grapes that could have been wine. They say we can have gatherings with up to eight people without issues.I don’t even know eight people without issues. Theme parks can snap a crystal-clear picture of you on a roller coaster going 70 mph, but bank cameras can’t get a clear shot of a robber standing still. Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers . . .if you do find one, what’s your plan? The more I get to know people, the more I realize why Noah only let animals on the ark. Facial recognition software can pick a person out of a crowdbut the vending machine at work can’t recognize a dollar bill with a bent corner. When all this pandemic stuff is over, I still plan to wear a mask.It hides the perpetual look of annoyance I have for most people. I never make the same mistake twice.I do it like, five or six times, you know, to make sure. Someone just honked to get me out of my parking space faster,so now I just have to sit here until both of us are dead. My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors. If you see someone buying candy, popcorn and a soda at the movies, they must be a drug dealer. There’s no other explanation for that type of income. After a year of this pandemic, I’m either going out for ice cream or to commit a felony. I’ll decide in the car. I know it’s time to clean out my purse when my car assumes it’s an extra passenger who isn’t wearing a seat belt. Dr. Oz says rubbing coffee grounds on your naked body will get rid of cellulite. Apparently you can’t do this in Starbucks. And now the cops are here.In the 1950s I fell off my bike and hurt my knee. I’m telling you this now because we didn’t have social media then. Some people seem to have aged like fine wine. I aged like milk … I got sour and chunky. Dear Sneeze: If you’re going to happen, happen. Don’t just put a stupid look on my face and then leave. Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters.Nine horrible, worthless, baconless years. I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats..
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always Catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can’t trust dogs to watch your food..
6) Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair..
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandma’s lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jello to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don’t hurt.
3) Families are like fudge…mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food.. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.
4) You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It’s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . . . Not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . Having friends.
At age 17 success is . . Having a driver’s license.
At age 35 success is . . . . Having money.
At age 50 success is . . . Having money.
At age 70 success is . .. . Having a driver’s license.
At age 75 success is . … . Having friends.
At age 80 success is . . .. Not piddling in your pants.

Pass this on to someone who could use a laugh.

Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way;
BUT NEVER forget the blessings that come each day.

Sometimes, after playing golf, I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, “It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.” – Babe Ruth

 

“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.” – Winston Churchill

“When I read about the evils of drinking after golfing I gave up reading.” – Paul Horning

“24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.” – H.L. Mencken

“When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven!” – George Bernard Shaw

“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” – Benjamin Franklin

“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.” – Dave Barry

BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C .- W.C. Fields

Remember “I” before “E,” except in Budweiser. – Professor Irwin Corey

To some it’s a six-pack, to me it’s a Support Group. Salvation in a can! – Leo Durocher

One night at Cheers, Cliff Clavin said to his buddy, Norm Peterson: “Well, ya see, Norm, it’s like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members!  In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine! That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack, (Churchill Downs ) to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry (Bourbon), but mostly to see the horses.

When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men’s room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one, holding on to their little ‘wee-wees’ to direct the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one little guy, she couldn’t help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, “You must be in the 5th grade.”

“No ma’am he replied, “I’m riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race, but I appreciate your help.”

Two elderly nuns, Sister Dulce and Sister Andrea are on their way back from the market one evening. It’s already very late, and they have quite a distance left before reaching their convent.

Suddenly, Sister Dulce grabs hold of Sister Andrea’s arm. “Is it just me,” she asks, “or is that man following us?!”

Sister Andrea glances over her shoulder, then whispers back. “I think he might be, yes!” “What do you think he wants?!”

Isn’t it obvious?” asks Sister Andrea. “He’s going to rape us! What should we do?!”

I know,” replies Sister Dulce. “We’ll split up. I’ll take the left road to the convent, and you take the one on the right.”

The nuns part ways, and a few minutes later, Sister Dulce arrives at the convent. She starts pacing in front of the door, worried that some terrible fate has befallen the other nun. Then, just as Sister Dulce is about to give up hope, she sees Sister Andrea running up the path.

“What happened?!” asks Sister Dulce.

“Well,” replies Sister Andrea, “I started running, and the man started chasing me.”

“Oh, no! Then what?!”

“He caught up to me.” Sister Dulce gasps.

“What did you do?!” “The only thing I could do,” Sister Andrea answers.

“I lifted up my dress.”

“What did the man do?!”

“He dropped his pants.”

Sister Dulce clutches her rosary, terrified of what she’s about to hear next.

“Then… then what happened?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” asks Sister Andrea. “A nun with her dress up runs faster than a man with his pants down.”

A strange old lady has moved into my house. I have no idea who she is, where she came from, or how she got in. I certainly did not invite her. All I know is that one day she wasn’t there, and the next day she was.

She is a clever old lady and manages to keep out of sight for the most part, but whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of her. And, whenever I look in the mirror to check my appearance, there she is hogging the whole thing, completely obliterating my gorgeous face and body. This is very rude! I have tried screaming at her, but she just screams back.

The least she could do is offer to pay part of the bills, but no. Every once in a while, I find a $5 bill stuck in a coat pocket or some loose change under a sofa cushion, but it is not nearly enough. And I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but I think she is stealing money from me. I go to the ATM and withdraw $50 and a few days later, it’s all gone! I certainly don’t spend money that fast, so I can only conclude the old lady is pilfering from me. You’d think she would spend some of that money to buy wrinkle cream. And money isn’t the only thing I think she is stealing.

Food seems to disappear at an alarming rate-especially the good stuff like ice cream, chips, and sweets. She must have a real sweet tooth, but she’d better watch because she is really packing on the pounds. I suspect she realizes this, and to make herself feel better, she is tampering with my scale to make me think I am putting on weight, too.

For an old lady, she is quite childish. She likes to play nasty games, like going into my wardrobes when I’m not home and altering my clothes so they don’t fit. And she messes with my files and papers so I can’t find anything. This is particularly annoying since I am extremely neat and organized.

She has found other imaginative ways to annoy me. She gets into my mail, newspapers, and magazines before I do and blurs the print so I can’t read it. And she has done something really sinister to the volume controls on my TV, radio, and telephone. Now, all I hear are mumbles and whispers. She has done other things-like make my stairs steeper, my vacuum heavier and all the knob and taps harder to turn. She even made my bed higher so that getting into and out of it is a real challenge.

Lately, she has been fooling with my groceries before I put them away, applying glue to the lids, making it almost impossible for me to open the jars. She has taken the fun out of shopping for clothes. When I try something on, she stands in front of the dressing room mirror and monopolizes it. She looks totally ridiculous in some of those outfits, plus, she keeps me from seeing how great they look on me.

Just when I thought she couldn’t get any meaner, she proved me wrong. She came along when I went to get my picture taken for my driver’s license, and just as the camera shutter clicked, she jumped in front of me

I hope she never finds out where you live!🥰🧐🥰Join our group Let’s Laugh🧐🥰🧐Laugh with us