The teacher said… Let’s begin by reviewing some history. Who said: ‘Give me Liberty or give me Death!’?

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Akio, a bright foreign exchange student from Japan, who had his hand up: “Patrick Henry, 1775,” he said.

“Very good!  “Who said:  ‘Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth!’?” Again, no response except from Little Akio: “Abraham Lincoln, 1863.”

“Excellent!” said the teacher continuing. “Let’s try one a bit more difficult. “Who said, ‘Ask not what your Country can do for you, but what you can do for your Country’?” Once again, Akio’s was the only hand in the air and he said: “John F. Kennedy, 1961.”

The teacher snapped at her class, “Class, you should be ashamed of yourselves. Akio isn’t from this country and he knows more about our history than you do.” She hears a loud whisper:.. “F–k the Japs.” “Who said that? I want to know right now,” she angrily demanded. Little Akio put his hand up, “General MacArthur, 1945.”

At that point, a student in the back said, “I’m gonna puke.” The teacher glares around and asks, “All right! Now, who said that?” Again, Little Akio says, “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”

Now furious, the same student yells, “Suck this!” Little Akio jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher. “Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!”

The teacher fainted.

As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, *”Damn, we’re screwed.” Little Akio said quietly, “Chuck Schumer when Trump got elected in 2016

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

‘Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice  young lady, how would you tell her you have to go to the bathroom?’

Michael said: ‘Excuse me, I need to pee.’

The teacher responded:  ‘That would be quite impolite.

What about you Sherman, how would you say it?’

 Sherman said: ‘I am sorry, but I really need to go  to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.’

‘That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the  word bathroom at the dinner table.

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for  once and show us your good manners?’

Johnny said: ‘I would say “Darling, may I please be excused for a moment?  I have to shake hands  with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to  introduce you to after dinner.

The teacher fainted.

An oldie but goodie – given what is going on now thought it was appropriate.

When students took the entrance exam for medical school, they were perplexed by this question:

“Rearrange the letters P-N-E-S-I to spell out the part of the human body that is most useful when erect.”

Those who spelled SPINE became doctors.

The rest are in Congress.

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he said he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. Furthermore, if she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card and write ‘Spaghetti’ on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

‘Honey, she said, ‘you received a very strange post card today.’

‘Oh, just give it to me and I’ll explain it later,’ he said. The wife did and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:
Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.

Three with meatballs, two without.

Send extra sauce.

Right after takeoff, a pilot comes on the microphone to welcome his passengers. Thank you for flying with us. The weather is….
Then he suddenly starts screaming while still on the mic, OH MY GOD! IT IS BURNING!!, IT IS BURNING!

Then silence.

A few seconds later, he comes back on and says, I’m terribly sorry about what happened. I spilled some scorching hot coffee on my lap…you should see my pants!!

A voice from the back of the plane yelled, Why don’t you come here and see ours?*****************************************************************

He bursts into his bedroom and screams to his wife WOW, I won! I finally won the lottery! Pack your bags quick . The woman all excited replied should I pack for cold or hot weather? To which the man said I don’t care as long as you are out of my house by noon.
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What are the best kind of letters to read in hot weather? Fan mail.man wins the lottery
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2 fortune tellers are talking about the weather.
The first one says it’s going to be a hot winter. The second one replies “Yes, reminds me of the summer of 2093.”
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I just bought a new hat…with a built-in fan that keeps my head cool during hot weather. It really blows my mind.
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Did you check the weather for Mexico City? It’s chili today and hot tamale.
👍🏼
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Jewish Joke About Warm Weather
אחי היה לי כלכך חם שהבטחתי שאם יציעו לי להתנצר בזה הרגע אני אעשה את זה רק בשביל ההטבלה.

Dude. It was so hot, I swear that I’d convert to Christianity for the Baptism.
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Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel across the country from coast to coast without seeing anything. ~ Charles Kuralt
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During the recent hot weather here in the UK we have had a couple of young women operating a scam at our local supermarket. They offer a while-you-wait car valeting service – you just drive in and while you sit there, one of them washes the outside of the car while the other vacuums the inside. They’re both really fit-looking and wear skimpy shorts and sleeveless T-shirt. What happens is that while the one outside is leaning across to clean the windscreen, with her wet T-shirt pressed up against the glass and really leaving very little to the imagination, the one inside will take advantage of your distraction to steal your wallet.

They caught me last Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday (three times), last thing on Thursday, they weren’t there on Friday, and again on Saturday. Good news though, the store does very good imitation Moroccan leather wallets for only £1.75.

An elderly couple who are both widowed have been courting for a long time.

They decide it’s finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they go out to dinner and talk about how their marriage might work. They discuss finances, living arrangements and so on.

Finally, the man broaches the subject of their physical relationship.
“How do you feel about sex?” he asks, rather tentatively.

“I would like it infrequently,” replies the old lady.

The old gentleman sits quietly for a moment, adjusts his glasses, leans over towards her and whispers: “Is that one word or two?”

This is one for all to wonder, especially those of us that can remember this time. Also, for a little more there is a song by Ronnie Milsap titled “In the still of the night” which has a line “Back to the 50’s tonight”.

I’ll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it’s going to be impossible to buy a week’s groceries for $10.00.

Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won’t be long before $1,000.00 will only buy a used one.

If cigarettes keep going up in price, I’m going to quit; 20 cents a pack is ridiculous.

Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging 7 cents just to mail a letter.

If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store.

When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost more than 20 cents a gallon. Guess we’d be better off leaving the car in the garage.

I’m afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying DAMN in GONE WITH THE WIND, it seems every new movie has either HELL or DAMN in it.

I read the other day where some scientist thinks it’s possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas.

Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $50,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn’t surprise me if someday they’ll be making more than the President.

I never thought I’d see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They’re even making electric typewriters now.

It’s too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married womenare having to work to make ends meet.

It won’t be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work.

I’m afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business.

Thank goodness I won’t live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to government.

The fast food restaurant is convenient for a quick meal, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on.

There is no sense going on short trips anymore for a weekend. It costs nearly $2.00 a night to stay in a motel.

No one can afford to be sick anymore. At $15.00 a day in the hospital, it’s too rich for my blood.