No nursing home for me. I’ll be checking into a MARRIOTT! 

With the average cost for nursing home care being $275.00 per day, there is a better way when we get old and too feeble. I’ve already checked on reservations at the FAIRFIELD. For a combined long-term-stay discount and senior discount, it’s $79.00 per night. Breakfast is included, and some have happy hours in the afternoon. 

That leaves $196.00 a day for lunch and dinner in any restaurant we want, or room service, laundry, gratuities and special TV movies. Plus, they provide a spa, swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge and washer dryer, etc. Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and soap. $10 worth of tips a day, you’ll have the entire staff scrambling to help you. They treat you like a customer, not a patient. 

There’s a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free. The handicap bus will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp). To meet other nice people, call a church bus on Sundays. For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there. While you’re at the airport, fly somewhere. Otherwise, the cash keeps building up. 

It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Marriott will take your reservation today. And you’re not stuck in one place forever — you can move from Marriott to Marriott, or even from city to city. Want to see Hawaii? They have COURTYARD there too. TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem. They fix everything and apologize for the inconvenience. 

The Marriott has a night security person and daily room service. The maid checks to see if you are ok.  If not, they’ll call an ambulance or the undertaker. If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Marriott will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life. 

And no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to find you, and probably check in for a few days mini vacation. The grandkids can use the pool. What more could I ask for?

So, when I reach that golden age, I’ll face it with a grin. 

AIDS WARNING!

SENIOR CITIZENS ARE THE NATION’S LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS! 

HEARING AIDS
BAND AIDS
ROLL AIDS
WALKING AIDS
MEDICAL AIDS
GOVERNMENT AIDS
MOST OF ALL, MONETARY AID TO THEIR KIDS! 
Not forgetting HIV (Hair Is Vanishing)

I’m only sending this to my ‘old’ friends. I love to see you smile.

Candy with the Little Hole
This should make you smile.  You have to love little kids. The children began to identify the flavors by their color.

Red.……………….Cherry
Yellow…………….Lemon
Green………………Lime
Orange …………..Orange

Finally, the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. None of the children could identify the taste.

The teacher said, ‘I will give you all a clue. It’s what your mother may sometimes call your father.’

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled, ‘Oh my God! They’re ass-holes!

The teacher had to leave the room!

Medical experts in London today were asked if it is time to ease the COVID lockdowns.

• Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
• Gastroenterologists had a sort of a gut feeling about it, but Neurologists thought the government had a lot of nerve.
• Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.
• Many Pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body!” while Pediatricians said, “Oh, grow up!”
• Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while Radiologists could see right through it.
• Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and pharmacists claimed it would be a bitter pill to swallow.
• Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would “put a whole new face on the matter.”
• Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but Urologists were pissed off by the whole idea.
• Anesthetists thought the whole idea was a gas, and Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.
• In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in politics.