A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York City and laid down on the back seat.

The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the cab.

The woman glared back at him and said, “What’s wrong with you, honey? – Haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?”

The old Jewish driver answered, “Let me tell you sumsing, lady.  I vasn’t staring at you like you tink; det vould not be proper vair I come from.”

The drunk woman giggled and responded, “Well, if you’re not staring at my boobs or ass, sweetie, what are you doing then?” 

He paused a moment, then told her…”Vell, M’am, I am looking and I am looking, and I am tinking to myself,’Vair in da hell is dis lady keeping de money to pay for dis ride? 

Now, that’s a REAL Businessman!

I told my son “I want you to marry a girl of my choice!
He said “NO!”
I told him its Bill Gates daughter!!
He said “OKAY!”

Got in contact with Bill Gates & told him “I want your Daughter to marry my son!”
He said “NO!”
Told him my son was the CEO of the World Bank!
He said “OKAY!”

Went to the President of the World Bank & told him to make my son CEO of the Bank!
He said “NO!”
Told him my son was Bill Gates Son in Law!
He said “OKAY!”

That’s Exactly how Politics works.

This post is one I redo periodically partly because of its relevance today and on a personal level because Jefferson is one of my favorite presidents.  An interesting postscript is that both Jefferson and John Adams died on July 4, 1826.

At a dinner for Noble Prize Winners – I think this is the most extraordinary collection of talent, of human knowledge, that has ever been gathered at the White House – with the possible exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone. – John F. Kennedy – Remarks at a Dinner Honoring Nobel Prize Winners of the Western Hemisphere.

HOW DID JEFFERSON KNOW??????

When we get piled upon one another in large cities, as in Europe, we shall become as corrupt as Europe.
Thomas Jefferson

The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.
Thomas Jefferson

It is incumbent on every generation to pay its own debts as it goes. A principle which if acted on would save one-half the wars of the world.
Thomas Jefferson

I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them.
Thomas Jefferson

My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results from too much government.
Thomas Jefferson

No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms.
Thomas Jefferson

The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government.
Thomas Jefferson

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.
Thomas Jefferson

To compel a man to subsidize with his taxes the propagation of ideas which he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical.
Thomas Jefferson

Thomas Jefferson said in 1802:
‘I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies. If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their currency, first by inflation, then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow up around the banks will deprive the people of all property until their children wake-up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered..’

Thomas Jefferson knew because he himself studied the previous failed attempts at government.  He understood actual history, the nature of God, his laws and the nature of man. That happens to be way more than what most understand today.

Those who have followed my blog know that Thomas Jefferson rates with me as one of the greatest men our country was blessed to have. That said it is sometimes easy to forget just how great Jefferson was but the following chronology gives a brief view. One indication of that is the quote from John Kennedy.

“Thomas Jefferson was a very remarkable man who started learning very early in life and never stopped.”

At 5, began studying under his cousin’s tutor.

At 9, studied Latin, Greek and French.

At 14, studied classical literature and additional languages

At 16, entered the College of William and Mary. Also could write in Greek with one hand while writing the same in Latin with the other.

At 19, studied Law for 5 years starting under George Wythe.

At 23, started his own law practice.

At 25, was elected to the Virginia House of Burgesses.

At 31, wrote the widely circulated “Summary View of the Rights of British America” and retired from his law practice.

At 32, was a Delegate to the Second Continental Congress.

At 33, wrote the Declaration of Independence.

At 33, took three years to revise Virginia’s legal code and wrote a Public Education bill and a statute for Religious Freedom.

At 36, was elected the second Governor of Virginia succeeding Patrick Henry.

At 40, served in Congress for two years.

At 41, was the American minister to France and negotiated commercial treaties with European nations along with Ben Franklin and John Adams.

At 46, served as the first Secretary of State under George Washington.

At 53, served as Vice President and was elected president of the American Philosophical Society.

At 55, drafted the Kentucky Resolutions and became the active head of the Republican Party.

At 57, was elected the third president of the United States.

At 60, obtained the Louisiana Purchase doubling the nation’s size.

At 61, was elected to a second term as President.

At 65, retired to Monticello.

At 80, helped President Monroe shape the Monroe Doctrine.

At 81, almost single-handedly created the University of Virginia and served as its first president.

At 83, died on the 50th anniversary of the Signing of the Declaration of Independence along with John Adams.

In My Hand I Hold A Ball,
Oh, How Bland It Does Appear,
This Harmless Looking Little Sphere.
By Its Size I Could Not Guess,
The Awesome Strength It Does Possess.
But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell,
I’ve Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell.
My Life Has Not Been Quite The Same,
Since I Chose To Play This Stupid Game.
It Rules My Mind For Hours On End,
A Fortune It Has Made Me Spend.
It Has Made Me Yell, Curse And Cry.
I Hate Myself And Want To Die.
It Promises A Thing Called Par,
If I Can Hit It straight And Far.
To Master Such A Tiny Ball,
Should Not Be Very Hard At All.
But My Desires The Ball Refuses,
And Does Exactly As It Chooses.
It Hooks And Slices, Dribbles And Dies,
And Even Disappears Before My Eyes.
Often It Will Have A Whim,
To Hit A Tree Or Take A Swim.
With Miles Of Grass On Which To Land,
It Finds A Tiny Patch Of Sand.
Then Has Me Offering Up My Soul, If Only It Would Find The Hole.
It’s Made Me Whimper Like A Pup,
And Swear That I Will Give It Up.
And Take To Drink To Ease My Sorrow,
But The Ball Knows …. I’ll Be Back Tomorrow.

A recent study found the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year. 

Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a Year. That means, on average, 
golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon. 


Kind of makes you proud. 
Almost feel like a hybrid.

Why do supermarkets make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front? 

Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke? 

Why do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters? 

Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in our driveways and put our useless junk in the garage? 

E VER WONDER… Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? 

Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed? 

Why don’t you ever see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery

Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?

Why is it that doctors and attorneys call what they do ‘practice’? 

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavoring, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons? 

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? 

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? 
Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food? 

Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes? 

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? 

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?? 

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains? 

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? 

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? 

Now that you’ve smiled at least once, it’s your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to smile.

Wife – “Where have you been? You said you’d be done with golf by noon!”

Husband – “I’m so sorry Honey… but you probably don’t want to hear the reason.”

Wife – “I want the truth, and I want it NOW !”

Husband – “Fine. We finished in under 4 hours, quick beer in the Clubhouse, I hopped in the car, and would have been here at 12 on the Button. ….. On the way home, I spotted a girl half our age struggling with a flat tire. I changed it in a jiffy, and next she’s offering me money. Of course I refuse it – then she tells me she was headed to the bar at the Sheraton – and begs me to stop so she can buy me a beer.

She’s such a sweetie, I said yes. Before you know it – one beer turned to three or four, and I guess we were looking pretty good to each other. Then she tells me she has a room at the Sheraton less than 50 steps from our table. She suggested we get some privacy while pulling me by the hand.

Now I’m in her room….clothes are flying …… the talking stopped….and we proceeded to have sex in every way imaginable. It must have gone on for hours, because before I know it the clock says5:30. …… I jumped up, threw my clothes on, ran to the car, and here I am. ………… There. You wanted the truth….you got it.”

Wife – “Bullshit! You played 36 holes, didn’t you!

The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.

 My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 pounds I’ve gained since then.

I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”

Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.” If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks!

If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple “Thank you” is all I need … not all this, “How did you get into my house?” business!

The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.

On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week. Whereas, a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. This is very upsetting news to me. I had no idea I was Japanese.

I can’t understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, “Sag Harbor.”

I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.

What is it about a car that makes people think we can’t see them pick their noses?

Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!

The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.

Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter was. The first blonde said,

-“Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey.”

St. Peter said, -“Noooooo,” and he banished her to Hell.

The second blonde said, -“Easter is when we celebrate Jesus’ birth and exchange gifts.”

St. Peter said, -“Noooooo,” and he banished her to Hell.

The third blonde said she knew what Easter is, and St. Peter said, -“So, tell me.”

She said, -“Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder …”

St. Peter smiled and said, -“Verrrrrry good.”

Then the blonde continued, -“Now every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of basketball.”

St. Peter fainted.