Chester and Earl are going hunting. Chester says to Earl, “I’ll send my dog out to see if there are any ducks out in the pond. If there aren’t any ducks out there, I’m not going hunting.”
So he sends the dog out to the pond. The dog comes back and barks twice. Chester says, “Well I’m not going to go out. He only saw two ducks out there.”
Earl says, “You’re going to take the dog’s barks for the truth?” Earl doesn’t believe it, so he goes to look for himself. When he gets back he says, “I don’t believe it. There really are only two ducks out there! Where did you get that dog”?
Chester says, “Well, I got him from the breeder up the road. If you want one, you can get one from him”.
So Earl goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog like the one his friend Chester has. The breeder obliges and Earl brings the dog home, tells it to go out and look for ducks. Minutes later the dog returns with a stick in its mouth and starts humping Earl’s leg. Outraged, Earl takes the dog back to the breeder and says, “This dog is a fraud. I want my money back!” The breeder asks Earl what the dog did. So Earl tells him that when he sent the dog out to look for ducks, it came back with a stick in its mouth and started humping his leg. The breeder says, “Earl, dogs can’t talk. He was trying to tell you there are more fucking ducks out there than you can shake a stick at!
A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands
Funny but Scary! These are from a book called ‘Disorder in the Court‘ and are things people actually said in court.
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were talking one afternoon, and Boudreaux tells Thibodeaux, “You now, I tink I’m ready for a lil’ vacation. But, dis year I wants to do sumting different. De las’ few year, I took your suggestion bout where to go. Tree year ago you say I should go to Hawaii, an’ did an’ Marie got pregnant. De next year you say to go to de Bahamas. Marie got pregnant again. And las year you tol me to go to Tahiti. Sure enough, Marie got pregnant again.”
A very drunk patron at a bar is trying to impress everyone with his fighting ability. “I am trained in every hand-to-hand combat there is,” he says. To further prove his point, he walks up to Boudreaux, who happened to be in the bar, and whops him behind the neck! “Karate chop from China,” he says. Poor Boudreaux gets up off the floor and sits back in his seat, saying nothing. The big man hits him again. “Judo from Japan.” L’il ol’ Boudreaux once again picks himself up off the floor and continues sipping his beer. The man grabs him putting Boudreaux in a state of suspended animation. “That’s a nerve pinch from Korea.” After a few minutes, Boudreaux is able to move again. Instead of getting back on his bar stool he walks out. Ten minutes later he walks in with a large board in his hands and hits the drunk square in the head with the board, laying him flat out on the floor. Looking down at his tormenter, Boudreaux says, “Two-by-four from Home Depot.”
We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the ‘seniors’ special’ was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99.
A woman who had been married three times walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.
A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a good looking, older retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties.
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