Moving fast is not necessarily the same thing as going somewhere.

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If you are waiting for your ship to come in – you may have already missed the boat.

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Courage is fear that has said its prayers.

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Faith is our greatest gift. Sharing it with others is our greatest responsibility.

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The first step in overcoming mistakes is to admit to them.

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The best way to multiply happiness is to divide it.

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Why is it that if you take advantage of a corporate tax break you’re a smart businessman, but if you take advantage of something so you don’t go hungry, you’re a moocher? – Jon Stewart

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin. – Jay Leno

The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver. – Jay Leno

Asthma doesn’t seem to bother me any more unless I’m around cigars or dogs. The thing that would bother me most would be a dog smoking a cigar. – Steve Allen

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. – Tim Allen

Show me where Stalin is buried and I’ll show you a Communist Plot. – Edgar Bergen

If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck. – Jeff Foxworthy

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door. – Jeff Foxworthy

If you’ve ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck. – Jeff Foxworthy

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? – Jeff Foxworthy

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself. – Johnny Carson

Those hot pants of hers were so damned tight, I could hardly breathe. – Benny Hill

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder. – Alfred Hitchcock

As one that hesitates to read works either completed by someone other than the original author or where the characters are picked up by another, I was more than a little apprehensive about the new Vince Flynn book – The Survivor. I shouldn’t have been. As I understand it, Vince Flynn started this book prior to his passing away and Kyle Mills finished the book. Knowing that, and having read all of the earlier Vince Flynn – Mitch Rapp books, I could not discern any difference in the way the story flowed or how the characters were developed. While I don’t know where this goes from here, I would not hesitate to read a Mitch Rapp book totally written by Mills. If you are a Vince Flynn – Mitch Rapp – fan by all means get the book! Even is you have never read one of the books in the series you may want to start.

I am not so sure that if this book was not one of those “Read For Free” on Amazon if I would have acquired it, but this first book in a series by Viveca Sten proved worth while and I am glad I did.  Still Waters, is set on a idyllic Swedish vacation island of Sandhamn. During a walk on the beach with his dog a man finds two dead bodies. To complicate matters, the discovery occurred at the beginning of July – the traditional vacation time in Sweden when may on the police force are away. Thomas Andreasson the lead investigator dealing with his own demons – a child lost to SIDS and a divorce – works his way through sometimes bizarre relationships and events on the way to the solution. While the book, and the second one mentioned below, have a different tempo than traditional murder mysteries I found them refreshing reads that move smoothly.

The second book, Closed Circles, is set at the same and location in the same time-frame one year later and begins with a rather bizarre murder where the captain of a sailing boat is shot dead while at the wheel of his craft at the exact time the starters gun begins the annual regatta. Again Thomas Andreasson leads the investigation and us, the readers, through ever changing circumstances and possible suspects. While the ending to many a book has it’s surprises this one could well stand at the top.

Both books come with a high recommendation. The author, Viveca Sten, is a well regarded Swedish author and I look forward to reading more of her offerings.

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison – if it wasn’t for him, we’d be watching television by candlelight. – Milton Berle

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I’m not hungry enough to eat six. – Yogi Berra

I usually take a two-hour nap from one to four. -Yogi Berra

He hits from both sides of the plate. He’s amphibious. – Yogi Berra

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too. – Rodney Dangerfield

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother. – Rodney Dangerfield

You know you’re old if your walker has an airbag. – Phyllis Diller

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. – Henny Youngman

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner. – Red Skelton

As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. – Buddy Hackett

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. – Jimmy Durante

Thin people are beautiful, but fat people are adorable. – Jackie Gleason

If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days. – Robin Williams

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down. – George Burns

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

Republicans & Democrats are like divorced parents who care more about getting the kids to hate the other one than they are their well-being.

I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it’s Election night.

I don’t approve of political jokes…I’ve seen too many of them get elected.

Don’t steal. That’s the government’s job.

Democracy is three wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for supper.

Stop repeat offenders. Don’t re-elect them!

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.

A liberal is just a conservative that hasn’t been mugged yet.

If you are not part of the solution, you’re probably running for President.

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

2500 years ago a slave call girl from Sardinia named Gedophamee (pronounced Get-offa’me) was attending a great athletic festival in Greece. This festival had no name. In those days, the athletes performed naked (believe it or not).

To prevent unwanted arousal while competing, the men imbibed freely on drink containing saltpeter before and throughout the variety of events.

At the opening ceremonial parade, Gedophamee observed the first wave of naked athletic males marching toward her and she exclaimed: “Oh! Limp pricks!”

Over the next two and a half millennia that expression morphed into “Olympics”.

Just thought I’d share this new found knowledge with you.

You’re very welcome

A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It’s after midnight. While en-route home, he asks the cabby if he would be a witness.  The man suspects his wife is having an affair, and he wants to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agrees.

Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip toe into the bedroom.  The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back and there is his wife in bed with another man!

The husband puts a gun to the naked man’s head.

The wife shouts, ‘Don’t do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money’.

HE paid for the Porsche I gave you.

HE paid for your new 20 ft. Ranger Fishing Boat.

HE paid for your Packer season tickets.

HE paid for our house at the lake.

HE paid for your Golf Trip to St Andrews and your new 4 x 4.

HE paid for our country club membership, and HE even pays the monthly dues!’

Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun. He looks over at the cabby and says, ‘What would you do’?

The cabby replies, ‘I’d cover him with that blanket before he catches a cold.’