Four university friends were so confident in their abilities that the weekend before their final exams, they decided to get out of town and party with some friends. After all the partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn’t make it back home until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the exam then, they decided to find their professor afterwards and explain to him why they missed it.

They explained that they had gone away for the weekend with the plan to come back and study but, unfortunately, they had a flat tyre on the way back, didn’t have a spare and couldn’t get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the exam.

The professor thought it over and then agreed they could do exam the following day. The friends were elated and relieved.

They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.

They looked at the first problem, worth five points. It was fairly simple. “Cool,” they all thought at the same time, each one in his separate room. “This is going to be easy.”

Each finished the problem and then turned the page. On the second page was written: “(For 95 points): Which tyre?”

A dude with his pants hanging half off his butt, two gold front teeth, cell phone in his hand and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.

He marched up to the counter and said, “Hey man. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I’d really rather have a job. I don’t like taking advantage of the system and gettin’ somethin’ for nothin’.” 

The social worker behind the counter said “Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.

You’ll have to drive around in his 2013 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You’ll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say…. but you will also have, as part of your job assignment, to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20’s and has a rather strong sex drive.”

The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, “You’re bullshittin’ me!”

The social worker said, “Yeah, well… You started it.” …..

I rest my case!

A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road, and the car became bogged.

After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him.

He stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted, and minutes later, the car was free.

The farmer turned to the husband and said: “You know, you’re the tenth car I’ve helped out of the mud today.”

The husband looks around at the fields, incredulously, and asks the farmer: “When do you have time to plough your land? At night?”

“No,” the young farmer replied, seriously. “Night is when I put the water in the hole.”

This story happened a while ago in Dublin, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it’s true. (Who Knows, But Very Funny!)

John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitch-hiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm.

The night was rolling on and no car went by.  The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.  

Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door … only to realise there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn’t running.  

The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life.  Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window, and turned the wheel. John, paralysed with terror, watched as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him. 

Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it… Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.

A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying … and wasn’t drunk. 

Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the dark and stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath. Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other…

‘Look Paddy … there’s that fooking idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it!’