To you and yours,
THE TRAIN: 

At birth we boarded the train and met our parents, and we believe they will always travel by our side. As time goes by, other people will board the train; and they will be significant i.e. our siblings, friends, children, strangers and even the love of your life. However, at some station our parents will step down from the train, leaving us on this journey alone. Others will step down over time and leave a permanent vacuum. Some, however, will go so unnoticed that we don’t realize they vacated their seats. This train ride will be full of joy, sorrow, fantasy, expectations, hellos, goodbyes, and farewells. Success consists of having a good relationship with all passengers requiring that we give the best of ourselves.

The mystery to everyone is: We do not know at which station we ourselves will step down. So, we must live in the best way, love, forgive, and offer the best of who we are. It is important to do this because when the time comes for us to step down and leave our seat empty we should leave behind beautiful memories for those who will continue to travel on the train of life.

I wish you a joyful journey for the coming years on your train of life. Reap success, give lots of love and be happy. More importantly, thank God for the journey!

Lastly, I want to thank you for being one of the passengers on my train!

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Tom

Siamese twins walk into a bar in Canada and park themselves on a barstool.One of them says to the bartender,  “Don’t mind us; we’re joined at the hip.  I’m John, he’s Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers, draft please.”

The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. “Been on holiday yet, lads?”

“Off to England next month,” says John. “We go to England every year, rent a car and drive for miles. Don’t we, Jim?” Jim agrees.

“Ah, England!” says the bartender. “Wonderful country… the history, the beer, the culture…”

“Nah, we don’t like that British crap,” says John. “Hamburgers and Molson’s beer, that’s us, eh Jim? And we can’t stand the English – they’re so arrogant and rude.”

“So why keep going to England?” asks the bartender.

“It’s the only chance Jim gets to drive”.

A man walks into a cocktail lounge and approaches an attractive woman sitting by herself and asks,

“May I buy you a cocktail?”

“No thank you,” she replies, “alcohol is bad for my legs.”

“Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?”

“No, they spread.

There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.  ~  Oscar Levant

All generalizations are false, including this one.  ~  Mark Twain

I am thankful that all the people in the world who absolutely, positively, know what God wants, usually kill mostly each other. ~ Elayne Boosler

Guys wake up at your place and they expect breakfast. They don’t eat bagels and M&M’s in the morning. They want things like toast. I say, ‘I don’t have these recipes.’ ~ Elayne Boosler

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It’s a whole different way of thinking. ~ Elayne Boosler

Only two groups of people intimidate me absolutely: salespeople and the French. ~ Bette Midler

It’s always consoling to know that today’s Christmas gifts are tomorrow’s garage sales. ~ Milton Berle

Would be cool to wake up one day and there’s just a huge, new, unexpected bit of incredibly good news. ~ Chris Hayes

I want it all – and I would like it delivered. ~ Better Midler

Men in power always seem to get involved in sex scandals, but women don’t even have a word for ‘male bimbo.’ Except maybe ‘senator. ~ Elayne Boosler

People want sex education out of the schools. They believe sex education causes promiscuity. Hey, I took algebra, but I never do math. ~ Elayne Boosler

There’s no experience quite like cutting your own live Christmas tree out of your neighbor’s yard. ~ Dan Florence

Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.  ~  Mae West

No matter how bad things get, it’s impossible not to love someone who made you toast. Once you’ve been through that crusty surface to the soft underneath and tasted the warm, salty butter you’ll last forever. ~ Nigel Slater

The true business of the philosopher, though not flattering to his vanity, is merely to ascertain, arrange and condense the facts. ~ John Leslie

During the warm season (August 8 and 9), Maine is a true vacation paradise, offering visitors a chance to jump into crystal-clear mountain lakes and see if they can get back out again before their bodily tissue is frozen as solid as a supermarket turkey. ~ Dave Barry

BTW – Elayne Booster is comedian, writer, actress, activist, philanthropist.

The Indians on a remote reservation in Oklahoma asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild

Since he was a Chief in modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets.  When he looked at the sky, he couldn’t tell what the Winter was going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the Winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea.  He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, ‘Is the coming Winter going to be cold?’

‘It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,’ the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. ‘Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold Winter?’

‘Yes,’ the man at National Weather Service again replied, ‘it’s going to be a very cold Winter.’

The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later, the Chief called the National Weather Service again. ‘Are you absolutely sure that the Winter is going to be very cold?’

‘Absolutely,’ the man replied. ‘It’s looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest Winters we’ve ever seen.’

‘How can you be so sure?’ the Chief asked.

The weatherman replied, ‘The Indians are collecting a heck of a lot of firewood’.

Number:10
Golfer:    “I think I’m going to drown myself in the lake.”
Caddy:    “Think you can keep your head down that long?”

Number: 9
Golfer:    “I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.”
Caddy:    “Try heaven, you’ve already moved most of the earth.”

Number: 8
Golfer:    “Do you think my game is improving?”
Caddy:    “Yes . . . You miss the ball much closer now.”

Number: 7
Golfer:    “Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?”
Caddy:    “Eventually.”

Number: 6
Golfer:    “You’ve got to be the worst caddy in the world.”
Caddy:    “I don’t think so . . .That would be too much of a coincidence.”

Number: 5
Golfer:    “Please stop checking your watch all the time. It’s too much of a distraction.”
Caddy:    “It’s not a watch – it’s a compass.”

Number: 4
Golfer:    “How do you like my game?”
Caddy:    “It’s very good – personally, I prefer golf.”

Number: 3
Golfer:    “Do you think it’s a sin to play on Sunday?
Caddy:    “The way you play, it’s a sin on any day.”

Number: 2
Golfer:    “This is the worst course I’ve ever played on.”
Caddy:    “This isn’t the golf course. We left that an hour ago.”

And the Number: 1 . . . . Best Caddy Comment:
Golfer:    “That can’t be my ball, it’s too old.”
Caddy:    “It’s been a long time since we teed off, sir.”

Bonus
An old favourite . . . About the Golfer who has been slicing off the tee at every hole . . .   He finally gives up and asks his long-suffering caddy,

Golfer:    “Can you see any obvious problems ?”
Caddy:    “There’s a piece of s**t on the end of your club.”
Golfer:     He picks his club up and cleans the club face.
Caddy:    ” . . . other end.”