The most famous artist for this type of saucy postcards was Donald McGill. He was nearly 80 years old when he was put on trial (1954) under the Obscene Publications Act, found guilty and fined. Today the postcards are worth a fortune.
Day Brightener – Sometimes What The Dog Finds Changes The Narrative
A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.
The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane.
The second man explained that he was from the Police Drugs Enforcement Agency and that the dog was a ‘sniffing dog’.
‘His name is Sniffer and he’s the best there is. I’ll show you once we get airborne when I put him to work.’
The plane took off, and once it has leveled out, the Policeman said, ‘Watch this.’
He told Sniffer to ‘search’.
Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the policeman’s arm.
The Policeman said, ‘Good boy’, and he turned to the man and said, ‘That woman is in possession of marijuana, I’m making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.
‘Gee, that’s pretty good,’ replied the first man.
Once again, the Policeman sent Sniffer to search the aisles.
The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent’s arm.
The Policeman said, ‘That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I’m making a note of his seat number for the police.’
‘I like it!’ said his seat mate.
The Policeman then told Sniffer to ‘search’ again.
Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to poop on the seat.
The first man was really disgusted by this behavior and couldn’t figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that. So he asked the Policeman, ‘What’s going on?’
The Policeman nervously replied, ‘He’s just found a bomb.’
Day Brightener – To Start The Week Ten Things To Ponder
Ten Things To Ponder
Number 10 – Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 9 – Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 8 – Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
Number 7 – Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
Number 6 – Some people are like a Slinky–not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
Number 5 – Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospitals, dying of nothing.
Number 4 – All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Number 3 – Why does a slight tax increase cost you $800, and a substantial tax cut save you $30?
Number 2 – In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
Number 1 – Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers–what you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.
– – – and as someone recently said to me: “Don’t worry about old age–
it doesn’t last that long.”
Day Brightener – Kids Say The Darndest Things!
I think it was Art Linkletter that said “Kids Say The Darndest Things” and later there was a TV show with Bill Cosby. The items below prove the point.
- This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight, testicles. (Kelly, age 6 )
- Oysters’ balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)
- If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don’t, have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Mike, age 7)
- Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She’s not my friend anymore. (Kylie, age 6)
- A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8)
- My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and
pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross
the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn’t blow the sailors would
whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been
better off eating beans. (William, age 7) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful
and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get
pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6) - I’m not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always
crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got
pregnant, so I can’t think what to write. (Amy, age 6) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can
give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I
think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher, age
7) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes
my willy small. (Kevin, age 6) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers
can’t go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky,
age 8) - On vacation, my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was
going very fast. She says she won’t do it again because water fired
right up her big fat ass. (Julie, age 7) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don’t drown
I don’t know. (Bobby, age 6) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean.
What he doesn’t know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom.
(James, age 7)
Day Brightener – Solving A Moral/Ethical Dilemma
You are driving down the road in your Corvette on a wild, stormy night when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:
1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect woman you’ve been dreaming about.
Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car? Think before you continue reading.
This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. You could pick up the old lady because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first. Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.
YOU WON’T BELIEVE THIS…………………
The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. He simply answered: ‘I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams.’
Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations.
Never forget to ‘Think Outside of the Box.’
HOWEVER…., The correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her out of her misery because the Affordable Care Act’s health care won’t pay for her hospital visit anyway, have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers.
God, I just love happy endings!
Day Brightener – A Retiree’s Last Trip To Costco
Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Necco, the Wonder Dog, which weighs 191 lbs. I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant?
So because I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your jacket pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Costco won’t let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say. Forward this (especially) to all your retired friends…it will be their laugh for the day.
